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Many people hold a view that children should be taught to be part community by their parents, while others would argue that it is better for them to learn this at school. v.1

Many people hold a view that children should be taught to be part community by their parents, while others would argue that it is better for them to learn this at school. v. 1
Youth is the time when we are building a foundation for our entire life. Nowadays, studying or working in a city is the flavour of the present era. It has many reasons behind that. However, its disadvantages outweigh the advantages. First of all, cities provide basic necessities for living a life like better health care facilities, transportation frequencies, good infrastructures, quality education institutions and so forth. Secondly, many multinational companies are located in cities. It would give opportunities for better career for an individual. Thirdly, in this highly competitive era where the importance of good education is paramount. Urban cities have schools, colleges, universities with all facilities, equipments, faculties and so on. There are ample disadvantages because young people migrate towards cities. Nowadays, cities are becoming overcrowded. It leads the trouble for this the government to manage huge urban areas. Moreover, traffic jam, pollution, urbanization has been increased drastically over a last decade. Which is result into a global warming. In the countryside, they do not have skilled people in schools, hospitals, industries and so on. For this reason, it affects on the economy of the nation. There are a few advantages that youngsters are getting like standard quality of life, opportunities for growth in their job, better education. In conclusion, I admit that cities have better quality standards comparable to suburban areas. But we have to consider that this evolution has many adverse effects on cities which result into increasing polarization, pollution, urbanization.
Youth is the time when we are building a foundation for our entire life. Nowadays, studying or working in a city is the
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavour' is British English.
flavour
of the present era. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons behind that.
However
, its disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
provide
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
for living a life like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
health care facilities, transportation frequencies,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
infrastructures, quality education institutions and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are located
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. It would give opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
career for an individual.
Thirdly
, in this
highly
competitive era where the importance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education is paramount. Urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have schools, colleges, universities with all facilities, equipments, faculties and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

There are ample disadvantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
migrate towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are becoming overcrowded. It leads the trouble for this the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to manage huge urban areas.
Moreover
, traffic jam, pollution, urbanization has
been increased
drastically
over a last decade.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
is result into a global warming. In the countryside, they do not have skilled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in schools, hospitals, industries and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For this reason
, it affects on the economy of the nation.

There are a few advantages that youngsters are getting like standard quality of life, opportunities for growth in their job,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
education.

In conclusion
, I admit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
quality standards comparable to suburban areas.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consider that this evolution has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adverse effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
which result into increasing polarization, pollution, urbanization.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many people hold a view that children should be taught to be part community by their parents, while others would argue that it is better for them to learn this at school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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