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Many people have the habit of shoping rely on according to their age group. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Many people have the habit of shoping rely on according to their age group. v. 1
Nowadays, people are likely to keep pets for several reasons. Some people believe that it is good for our well-being, while others believe that having pets is not appropriate and not necessary. In my opinion, I highly agree that the advantages of keeping pets are outweighed by the drawbacks. Keeping pets have some advantages for our lives in both mental and physical health. Firstly, it is obvious that playing with your pets can help you avoid from being lonely and lower stresses. Some people live alone might hard to find someone be companied with. You can tell your pets everything you want without judgement. Spending time with your pets, such as dogs and cats, can also decrease your daily pressure and feel happiness. Secondly, Pets can encourage you to do some regular physical activities. Your pets, especially dogs, require you taking them for a regular walk and playing with them. Those exercises would encourage you to leave your chair. Your life can become more interesting because your animal partners. On the other hand, having animals would have some negative impacts. Animal hair might cause some allergy problems. Those people cannot stay with the animals around even they really want to. Also, pets would carry some virus or bacteria from the outside, it is unhealthy for people, especially for baby. Hence, it is important to keep your house clean and wash your pets regularly. Therefore, although these are few of the impacts that we cannot ignore, but these would be outweighed by the drawbacks. It is necessary to have an animal partner to talk to and play with.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
for several reasons.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for our well-being, while others believe that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
is not appropriate and not necessary. In my opinion, I
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the advantages of keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
are outweighed
by the drawbacks.

Keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages for our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in both mental and physical health.
Firstly
, it is obvious that playing with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you avoid from being lonely and lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "is", "was", "were".
be
Possible spelling mistake found.
companied
with. You can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
everything you want without judgement. Spending time with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
, such as dogs and cats, can
also
decrease your daily pressure and feel happiness.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pets
can encourage you to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regular physical activities. Your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
,
especially
dogs, require you taking them for a regular walk and playing with them. Those exercises would encourage you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
your chair. Your life can become more interesting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
partners.

On the other hand
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animal
hair might cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
allergy problems. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot stay with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
around even they
really
want to.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
would carry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
virus or bacteria from the outside, it is unhealthy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
for baby.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
clean and wash your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
regularly
.

Therefore
, although these are few of the impacts that we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these would
be outweighed
by the drawbacks. It is necessary to have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
partner to talk to and play with.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Many people have the habit of shoping rely on according to their age group. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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