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Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives. What are the reasons for this? How can this problem be overcome? v.8

Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives. What are the reasons for this? How can this problem be overcome? v. 8
Work has become an essential part in every human's daily life nowadays due to its severe importance. However, struggling to have a work-life balance has been a tenacious challenge that needs to be addressed. There are several reasons causing the aforementioned problem. Firstly, work allows the person to have a sense of self fulfilment. It gives a confidence boost whenever the person does a good job or gets promoted for instance. Accordingly, people would stay at work more hours to always feel important and needed. Moreover, most people work to gain money which they believe is very important. Thus, they would forget about other aspects of life just for the reason to increase their income. Additionally, some people have no families and they would rather stay at work than go back to no one at home. Fortunately, there are several ways to overcome this problem starting with the need to be aware that their self fulfilment should not be connected to their achievements at work. Furthermore, they need to realize that they are needed and important in their lived regardless of their stance at work. Secondly, companies should pay an average salary that would allow a person to live normally without the need to work extra hours. Therefore, the employees can actually work a reasonable amount of time and then go back home. Finally tackling the last problem, people should have a life outside their work frame including sports and hobbies for example. Thus, they would not feel the urge to stay at work, just not to be alone. In conclusion, work is a crucial part in a person's life, causing some people to believe that it's the only part that matters. However, many solutions can be obtained to overcome such a problem and have a balanced life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
has become an essential part in every human's daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
nowadays due to its severe importance.
However
, struggling to have a work-life balance has been a tenacious challenge that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
be addressed
.

There are several reasons causing the aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the person to have a sense of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self fulfilment
. It gives a confidence boost whenever the person does a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
promoted
for instance
.
Accordingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would stay at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more hours to always feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and needed.
Moreover
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to gain money which they believe is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Thus
, they would forget about other aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the reason to increase their income.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
families and
they would
rather
stay at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
than go back to no one at home.

Fortunately
, there are several ways to overcome this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
starting with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be aware that their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self fulfilment
should not
be connected
to their achievements at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Furthermore
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to realize that they
are needed
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
regardless of their stance at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should pay an average salary that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
a person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
normally
without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
extra hours.
Therefore
, the employees can actually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
a reasonable amount of time and then go back home.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
tackling the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
outside their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
frame including sports and hobbies
for example
.
Thus
, they would not feel the urge to stay at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
not to be alone.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is a crucial part in a person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to believe that it's the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
part that matters.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions can
be obtained
to overcome such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and have a balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives. What are the reasons for this? How can this problem be overcome? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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