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Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and to keep it. This, they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and to keep it. This, they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. v. 1
It is true that people who are career - oriented from a young age may spend their whole lives with that job. In my personal view, I think this may work for some people, while others have their own way to make them feel satisfied about their jobs. On the one hand, making a decision about career is good. Most people have dream jobs when they were young and they have more time to find out about those jobs, what subjects they should study and how to complete their goals, . . . This will help them gain more experience in their jobs in order to meet the needs of that particular working environment. For example, few young people or children are interested in becoming a pilot because it is really a difficult job. When they were young, they studied and found information about pilots, they focused on subjects which are related to aviation. They had to go to the academy, got relevant qualifications and took rigorous training. With the knowledge they have learned, they will easily pass the tests to become a successful pilot. On the other hand, some people find their job satisfaction in different ways. They do not spend their whole lives on one job but instead, they try to experience different careers to realize which job is suitable for them. And some of them do not matter what the job is, they just care about the working environment. For example, a friendly working condition and not high salary is better than a dull one and quite high salary. Although the salary is not very high, they just need to have fun and always be optimistic at work. In conclusion, getting a job for your whole life may bring satisfaction but I think it is not the only way to feel happiness in your career.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
oriented from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age may spend their whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. In my personal view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this may work for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, while others have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel satisfied about their jobs.

On the one hand, making a decision about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
when they were
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
young and
they have more time to find out about those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, what subjects they should study and how to complete their goals
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them gain more experience in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the needs of that particular working environment.
For example
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or children
are interested
in becoming a pilot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
really
a difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. When they were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
, they studied and found information about pilots, they focused on subjects which
are related
to aviation. They had to go to the academy,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
relevant qualifications and took rigorous training. With the knowledge they have learned, they will
easily
pass the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
to become a successful pilot.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways. They do not spend their whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
on one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
, they try to experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
to realize which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is suitable for them. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them do not matter what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
care about the working environment.
For example
, a friendly working condition and not high salary is better than a dull one and quite high salary. Although the salary is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need to have fun and always be optimistic at work.

In conclusion
, getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for your whole life may bring satisfaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to feel happiness in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and to keep it. This, they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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