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Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it This they argue leads to a more satisfying working life To what extent do you agree with this view What other things can people do in order to have a satisfying working life v.1

Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it This they argue leads to a more satisfying working life 1
It is often thought by many that games and fun activities during school should just be a choice rather than compulsion while its thought by some that games should be an integral part of educational systems for children. While there are contrasting opinions amongst parents, I personally feel that sports should also be given equal emphasis during school. On One hand, Education definitely plays an important role in a child's life in shaping their career and to make them face the society with confidence. However, Educational Institutions focus more on studies rather than sports and fitness and this is being forced upon parents who often believe that fun activities can deter the progress of their child in this competitive world. Also, parents are of the opinion that good grades could fetch their children a brighter future and in turn ensures them a happy and luxurious life. While Studies are equally important, but not many understand that this could have an appalling effect on their kid's overall development. To Quote, there have been numerous cases of suicides amongst children due to the stress, anxiety and pressure from their parents. On the other hand, Sports and activities have become increasingly popular amongst students and parents in recent times. That said, parents have started realising that fitness and relaxation is extremely important, rather than forcing their wards to study hard. Recent trends suggest that people who play a certain sport or participate in fun activities have better logical thinking and understanding. While each kid has their own positives and negatives, sports provide a way out to keep them away from the stress and makes them brighter and to an extent create a career out of sports. For example, Football and tennis as a sport are becoming increasingly popular amongst children and they are eager to play which in turn keeps them fit and healthy. To Conclude, while education does provide a good career and a luxurious life for children, however sports and activities should be an integral part of a child's education in order to be healthy and stress-free
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that games and fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
during school should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
be a choice
rather
than compulsion while its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that games should be an integral part of educational systems for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. While there are contrasting opinions amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, I
personally
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal emphasis during school.

On One hand, Education definitely plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in a child's life in shaping their career and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them face the society with confidence.
However
, Educational Institutions focus more on studies
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and fitness and this is
being forced
upon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believe that fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can deter the progress of their child in this competitive world.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are of the opinion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades could fetch their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a brighter future and in turn ensures them a happy and luxurious life. While Studies are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
understand that this could have an appalling effect on their kid's
overall
development. To Quote, there have been numerous cases of suicides amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, anxiety and pressure from their parents.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have become
increasingly
popular amongst students and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in recent times. That said,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
Possible spelling mistake. 'realising' is British English.
realising
that fitness and relaxation is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
rather
than forcing their wards to study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. Recent trends suggest that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who play a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
or participate in fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have better logical thinking and understanding. While each kid has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
positives and negatives,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
provide a way out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them away from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them brighter and to an extent create a career out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For example
, Football and tennis as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
are becoming
increasingly
popular amongst
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they are eager to play which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them fit and healthy.

To Conclude
, while education does provide a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
career and a luxurious life for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should be an integral part of a child's education in order to be healthy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it This they argue leads to a more satisfying working life 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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