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Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it. This they argue leads to a more satisfying working life. To what extent do you agree with this view? What other things can people do to have a satisfying working life? v.9

Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it. This they argue leads to a more satisfying working life. What other things can people do to have a satisfying working life? v. 9
It is true that some people from their early age determine what they want to pursue and if they are willing to spend their whole lives in the same occupation. While I accept that this idea may suit many people, I would argue that others have different ways to seek job satisfaction. On the one hand, defining a clear career path can result in a satisfying working life. Many people have their dream of who they want to be as an adult since they were in childhood. They usually develop a long-term plan and commit their time and effort to achieve the final goal. This determination might give them a great sense of fulfillment when they complete their resolution and gain expected results from their jobs. For example, many children dream of becoming a doctor, but to make their wish come true, they need to have the relevant qualification and undertake years of training. Since they have to invest most of their early adulthood into one professional job to reach their goals, they might find these attempt so rewarding and then have no intention of changing their fulfilling profession. On the other hand, today many people have different opinions around career path and workforce ‘s contenment in life. One perspective is that not everyone finds their dream occupation at their early age. Thus, it is a common thought that people should try a variety of jobs before making a firm decision about their pursuing career. Another argument is that working at a position for a long time might create boredom and lack of creativity among employees. This will have a detrimental effect on productivity at work and then, lead to less fulfillment in working life. Besides, other people also regard the working environment as the most important factor to the job satisfaction, not a profession itself. For example, well-developed relationships with colleagues, open-minded boss or vigorous business culture are among significant contributors to a happy working life. In conclusion, following a particular career for the entire life might contribute to contentment at work. However, I believe this is not the only route for everyone to achieve happiness in their working life.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from their early age determine what they want to pursue and if they are willing to spend their whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the same occupation. While I accept that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
may suit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I would argue that others have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways to seek
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction.

On the one hand, defining a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path can result in a satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their dream of
In a formal text, use "whom", not 'who'.
who
they want to be as an adult since they were in childhood. They
usually
develop a long-term plan and commit their time and effort to achieve the final goal. This determination
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
give them a great sense of fulfillment when they complete their resolution and gain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
results from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children dream of becoming a doctor,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their wish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true, they need to have the relevant qualification and undertake years of training. Since they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
invest most of their early adulthood into one professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to reach their goals, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
find these attempt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
rewarding and then have no intention of changing their fulfilling profession.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path and workforce ‘s
Possible spelling mistake found.
contenment
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. One perspective is that not everyone finds their dream occupation at their early age.
Thus
, it is a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should try a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making a firm decision about their pursuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. Another argument is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at a position for a long time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
create boredom and lack of creativity among employees. This will have a detrimental effect on productivity at work and then, lead to less fulfillment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Besides
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
regard the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment as the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction, not a profession itself.
For example
, well-developed relationships with colleagues, open-minded boss or vigorous business culture are among significant contributors to a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
life.

In conclusion
, following a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
for the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
contribute to contentment at work.
However
, I believe this is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
route for everyone to achieve happiness in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it. This they argue leads to a more satisfying working life. What other things can people do to have a satisfying working life? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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