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Many people believe that the use of new technology improves lives of employees. Others think it is a disadvantage for them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Many people believe that the use of new technology improves lives of employees. Others think it is a disadvantage for them. v. 1
Whilst some member of the society underscore the importance of technological advanced equipment for increasing working standards of employees on their workplace, others advocates that introducing these high-tech machines have no convenience to workers. There are rational arguments on both sides of this contentious topic which will be discussed in detail, followed by my on take on the matter. On the one side, there are those reasoning that up-gradation of machines in any company will definitely enhance the efficiency and productivity in the organization and therefore any development in this respect will obviously reduce the time pressure and anxiety from the workers of the company, working on a particular workstation. This is amply illustrated by the fact that accuracy and performance levels of the staff member will be increase to an upper stage if modern machinery will be introduced in the organization. Moreover, another justification is that this adaptation will also provide convenience to workers, which will automatically help them to accomplish their task effectively and without any stress. On the other hand, an opposing view asserts that it is quite difficult for the laborers to work with the fast pace of these state-of-the-art computer aided machines. They may easily get exhausted while working with the speed of these software controlled mechanism, which may result in bad health or less productiveness of the person operating them. Take computerized knitting machines for example, which require constant attention of the operator for continuous production of the fabric and workers operating them get easily tired even after a 8 hour work-shift. In addition, if there is any breakage to the equipment, it may also stop the manufacturing process, which could result in a great loss to both the company and the person working on it. To conclude there are valid arguments on both sides of the controversy; on balance, it is my firm conviction that undoubtedly, improved technology has provided immense benefits to the working society whether there are some certain drawbacks associated with the installation of high-tech machines for people working with them
Whilst
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
member of the society underscore the importance of technological advanced equipment for increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
standards of employees on their workplace, others advocates that introducing these high-tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
have no convenience to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. There are rational arguments on both sides of this contentious topic which will
be discussed
in detail, followed by my on take on the matter.

On the one side, there are those reasoning that up-gradation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
in any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will definitely enhance the efficiency and productivity in the organization and
therefore
any development in this respect will
obviously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the time pressure and anxiety from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
on a particular workstation. This is
amply
illustrated by the fact that accuracy and performance levels of the staff member will be increase to an upper stage if modern machinery will
be introduced
in the organization.
Moreover
, another justification is that this adaptation will
also
provide convenience to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
, which will
automatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to accomplish their task
effectively
and without any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

On the other hand
, an opposing view asserts that it is quite difficult for the laborers to work with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace of these state-of-the-art computer aided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
. They may
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exhausted while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with the speed of
Did you mean "this software" or "these softwares"?
these software
controlled mechanism, which may result in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
health or less productiveness of the person operating them. Take computerized knitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
for example
, which require constant attention of the operator for continuous production of the fabric and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
operating them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
easily
tired even after
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
8 hour work-shift.
In addition
, if there is any breakage to the equipment, it may
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the manufacturing process, which could result in a great loss to both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
on it.

To conclude
there are valid arguments on both sides of the controversy; on balance, it is my firm conviction that
undoubtedly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
technology has provided immense benefits to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
society whether there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain drawbacks associated with the installation of high-tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with them
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Many people believe that the use of new technology improves lives of employees. Others think it is a disadvantage for them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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