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Some people think that new technology always improves the lives of workers. Other people believe that it results in disadvantages for workers. Discuss both opinion and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that new technology always improves the lives of workers. Other people believe that it results in disadvantages for workers. v. 2
Some individuals opine that recent advancements in technology are always offering betterment in life, while others believe that it leads to drawbacks for workers. This essay intends to discuss both perspectives. In my opinion, due to the evolution of machinery activity becomes much easier, however it has more demerits. On the one hand, some section of society supports that automation improves their activity. To begin with, development in automation gives them faster communication, transport, luxury in lifestyle and much more. For instance, because of evolution in utensil activities of workers become more easy. They have a cell phone for communication, a vehicle for transportation, television for entertainment, washing machine, oven, refrigerator for household chores. Moreover, most of the laborious work done by machines, therefore they need to only observe and do some paper work. On the other hand, another section of society believes that advancements in automation lead to detrimental effects on employees. First and foremost, due to the invention of robots, they do most of the work of men within a fraction of time which results many people lose their jobs. Additionally, unemployment leads to the poverty and crime in the community. Furthermore, they become over dependance on equipment and instrument as a result, they become lethargic and less energetic. To be more specific, they use machines for household chores and their sedentary lifestyle affect directly on physical health. To conclude, In my view, Although technology gives improvement in life, it has more disadvantages which impact on persons' physical and mental health. Ergo, people should maintain balance between technology and activity. Due to machinery they become not only over dependent on them, but also become lazy. Apart from this instrument, replace the mankind and they become jobless which increases the number of crimes. T
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals opine that recent advancements in technology are always offering betterment in life, while others believe that it leads to drawbacks for workers. This essay intends to discuss both perspectives. In my opinion, due to the evolution of machinery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
much easier,
however
it has more demerits.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
section of society supports that automation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, development in automation gives them faster communication, transport, luxury in lifestyle and much more.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of evolution in utensil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more easy. They have a cell phone for communication, a vehicle for transportation, television for entertainment, washing machine, oven, refrigerator for household chores.
Moreover
, most of the laborious work done by machines,
therefore
they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
observe and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
paper work.

On the other hand
, another section of society believes that advancements in automation lead to detrimental effects on employees.
First
and foremost, due to the invention of robots, they do most of the work of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
within a fraction of time which results
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lose their jobs.
Additionally
, unemployment leads to the poverty and crime in the community.
Furthermore
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
over
Possible spelling mistake found.
dependance
on equipment and instrument
as a result
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
lethargic and less energetic. To be more specific, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
machines for household chores and their sedentary lifestyle affect
directly
on physical health.

To conclude
, In my view, Although technology gives improvement in life, it has more disadvantages which impact on persons' physical and mental health. Ergo,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should maintain balance between technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. Due to machinery they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
over dependent on them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
lazy. Apart from this instrument, replace the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mankind and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
jobless which increases the number of crimes.

T
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people think that new technology always improves the lives of workers. Other people believe that it results in disadvantages for workers. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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