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Many people believe that the main aim of university education is to help graduates find better jobs, while some people believe that a university education has wider benefits for individuals and society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Many people believe that the main aim of university education is to help graduates find better jobs, while some people believe that a university education has wider benefits for individuals and society as a whole. v. 2
Nowadays, many hold the view that higher education should focus on helping graduates land better jobs. However, there is a body of opinion which claims that university should care about graduates and the society. In this essay, I will examine both sides of the debate and give my opinion. To begin with, it is undeniable that university education which concentrates on college students’ employment could improve working condition. Because the university puts most of the effort on helping college students find a better position, they may set loads of professional courses that are specially designed for looking for jobs, which could train graduates’ employable skills. For example, some universities in China set all the courses for teaching specific working knowledge in order that students could have better job opportunities. On the other hand, nonetheless, higher education that aims for a whole improve of students and society is beneficial to socialization. This is because the activities organised by students union or some other clubs in these colleges could provide students with chances to know each other, becoming friends by frequency activities. Furthermore, universities put graduates and society into consideration would foster students’ interest. To be specific, the optional courses set by the school give students a chance to learn more about their favourite areas, making them enjoy the teaching and become more interested in these things. To summarise, there is no doubt that higher education which aims at graduates’ employment could help improve the employment problems. At the same time, nevertheless, colleges whose purpose is a comprehensive consideration would benefit the relationship between students and the development of students’ interest. In the final analysis, therefore, one can only conclude that comprehensive education is better.
Nowadays,
Possible agreement error. The noun hold seems to be countable; consider using: "many holds".
many hold
the view that higher
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education
should focus on helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
jobs.
However
, there is a body of opinion which claims that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
should care about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
and the society. In this essay, I will examine both sides of the debate and give my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
which concentrates on college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
employment could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
working condition.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
puts most of the effort on helping college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
position, they may set loads of professional courses that are
specially
designed for looking for jobs, which could train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates’
employable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
in China set all the courses for teaching specific working knowledge in order that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job opportunities.

On the other hand
, nonetheless, higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
that aims for a whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
of
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students
and society is beneficial to socialization. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the activities
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
union or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other clubs in these colleges could provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with chances to know each other, becoming friends by frequency activities.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
and society into consideration would foster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
interest. To be specific, the optional courses set by the school give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a chance to learn more about their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
areas, making them enjoy the teaching and become more interested in these things.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, there is no doubt that higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
which aims at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates’
employment could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the employment problems. At the same time,
nevertheless
, colleges whose purpose is a comprehensive consideration would benefit the relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
interest. In the final analysis,
therefore
, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
conclude that comprehensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that the main aim of university education is to help graduates find better jobs, while some people believe that a university education has wider benefits for individuals and society as a whole. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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