Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. 2
Although it is sometimes thought that higher education ought to support former students in receiving a position in a company, others believe that merits which university offers is much more prevalent. In my opinion, I consider that efficiency of an educational system should correlate with an opportunity to get a desirable job. On the one hand, some people believe that educational system should help graduates to be employed since the vast majority of students obtain a degree in order to get a job. In other words, being in the educational process is just a path to receive required knowledge which will be on demand within a labor market. To illustrate, future employees understand that their life depends from a position and a company where they will be employed. Furthermore, universities can be in charge for hosting career day events; it can be helpful for future employees, because they can familiarize with companies’ requirements. Admittedly, there are numerous perks when it comes to define value of other aspects of educational curriculum. Educational purpose is to help to think in a more creative way and demonstrate uncommon ideas. This is important because in some cases people are willing to have a versatile development regardless major specialization. If educational institutes, for instance, had neglected initiatives to provide development in diverse fields, they would have less prepared students to enter an adult life. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinions, I think that universities should provide an employment commitment by arranging career festivals where students can get familiar with business representatives for further employment.
Although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that higher education ought to support former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in receiving a position in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, others believe that merits which university offers is much more prevalent. In my opinion, I consider that efficiency of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
system should correlate with an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a desirable job.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
system should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
graduates to
be employed
since the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
obtain a degree in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job.
In other words
, being in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
process is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a path to receive required knowledge which will be on demand within a labor market. To illustrate, future employees understand that their life
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depends on".
depends
from a position and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
where they will
be employed
.
Furthermore
, universities can be in charge for hosting career day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
; it can be helpful for future employees,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can familiarize with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
’ requirements.

Admittedly
, there are numerous perks when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to define value of other aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
curriculum.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Educational
purpose is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in a more creative way and demonstrate uncommon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are willing to have a versatile development regardless major specialization. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
institutes,
for instance
, had neglected initiatives to provide development in diverse fields, they would have less prepared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to enter an adult life.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their opinions, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that universities should provide an employment commitment by arranging career festivals where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with business representatives for
further
employment.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts