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Many people believe that the icreased presence of violence in flms and television thesed ays is resposible for the rising incidents of violent crimes among youth in society. They argue that governments have a duty to control the media so as to reduce this v.2

Many people believe that the icreased presence of violence in flms and television thesed ays is resposible for the rising incidents of violent crimes among youth in society. They argue that governments have a duty to control the media so as to reduce this v. 2
In recent years there has been a rise in violence among young population. Many people believe that it can be connected with the increase of aggressive content shown by the mainstream media. Therefore, some argue that the government should take more control over what is shown on TV. In my opinion, the government is responsible for making people safe and should in fact have control over the TV content. I feel this way for three main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. Firstly, it has many times been proven that preventing the damage is much more cost effective than dealing with its effects. Censoring TV programs is less expensive than paying for the hospital bills for consequences of violent acts among young adults. For example, when there is a mass school shooting, victims don’t only suffer from physical consequences, but they also suffer emotionally, for which they need an expensive psychological treatment. Considering what was said before, I think that the government should invest its money in certain measures that forbid or at least censor violent and aggressive content on tv. Secondly, numerous experiments done by psychologists and sociologists have shown a connection between long-term exposure to violent content and aggressive behavior in the future. In other words, youth that are often spending their time in front of violent news and movies tend to be more aggressive towards their peers. In fact, one study has shown that children that spend more than four hours per week in front of violent content are displaying more aggressive behavior patterns, compared to their peers who only spend less than two hours. Thirdly, children are the most vulnerable and fragile members of our society and the government has a responsibility to enable them to grow into fully functional and stable adults. More importantly, children’s brains before reaching adulthood are like a sponge, meaning they will soak all around them and take it as a parameter of their future behavior. It is important to mention that countries that had censored their TV program have seen a decrease in violent behavior in youth. It can be concluded that the government should allow censorship over TV programs to prevent violent content being presented, in particular to youth. In my opinion, the reasons why I agree with this statement are: governments’ responsibility for its youth, the benefits of prevention compared to its consequences and finally the numerous experiments showing the positive correlation between aggression in youth and exposure to violence on TV. Compare and contrast your way of your life with that of your parents. Which way of life do you think would be more satisfying for the next generations? In today’s world things and technology change rapidly and people oftentimes experience many different eras over the course of one lifetime. My generation and the generation of my parents seem so different that one could assume they are hundert years apart. The rise of technology, many human rights movements, much faster way of living - this all happened in just 50 years. In my opinion life in the era of my parents was healthier and more satisfying than life today. This essay will discuss why I think that it is more beneficial for the future generation to experience my parents type of life and not my own. First of all, life in the era of my parents was happening on the streets and in the nature, in contrast to our life in front of the screens today. My parents had more face to face interactions among themselves than we have today. Furthermore, not only did they know their neighbours, but they actually hanged out with them on a daily basis. In the present era, people communicate as well, but more through the screen than in person. For example, when I lived alone, oftentimes I would just type on my computer for few days straight, without real conversation occuring, which at the end made me feel unhappy. And since I value happiness as the most important part of life I think that future generations would be happier in the previous era. Secondly, the era of my parents was much simpler. Those times were mindful and more peaceful, mainly because people didn’t have so many choices as we have today. Contrary to general opinion that more choices equals more satisfaction, studies have shown that it is in fact the opposite. In other words, more opportunities often times mean more stress when making a decision. So I would love the future generations to experience the times when people actually had less choices, but explored them deeper and with more attention and gratification. All this being said, I think that people of the future would benefit much more from the lifestyle my parents had, than from the lifestyle I maintain. To sum up, they wouldn’t be surrounded with computers, but with real people which leads to higher levels of happiness and they would live a simpler and more attentive life than we live today.
In recent years there has been a rise in violence among young population.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it can
be connected
with the increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aggressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
shown by the mainstream media.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take more control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
what
is shown
on TV. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is responsible for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
safe and should in fact have control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
. I feel this way for three main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

Firstly
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
been proven
that preventing the damage is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more cost effective than dealing with its effects. Censoring TV programs is less expensive than paying for the hospital bills for consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
acts among young adults.
For example
, when there is a mass school shooting, victims don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
suffer from physical consequences,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
suffer
emotionally
, for which they need an expensive psychological treatment. Considering what
was said
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest its money in certain measures that forbid or at least censor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aggressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
.

Secondly
, numerous experiments done by psychologists and sociologists have shown a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
long-term exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aggressive
behavior in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
spending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
news and movies tend to be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aggressive
towards their peers. In fact, one study has shown that children that spend more than four hours per week in front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
are displaying more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aggressive
behavior patterns, compared to their peers who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
spend less than two hours.

Thirdly
, children are the most vulnerable and fragile members of our society and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has a responsibility to enable them to grow into
fully
functional and stable adults.

More
importantly
, children’s brains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching adulthood are like a sponge, meaning they will soak all around them and take it as a parameter of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
behavior.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to mention that countries that had censored their TV program have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
behavior in youth.

It can
be concluded
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
censorship
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
TV programs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
being presented
,
in particular
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
, the reasons why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement are:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments’
responsibility for its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
, the benefits of prevention compared to its consequences and
finally
the numerous experiments showing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
correlation between aggression in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
and exposure to violence on TV.

Compare and contrast your way of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with that of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Which way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
do you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
would be more satisfying for the
next
generations?

In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today’s
world things and technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
rapidly
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
oftentimes experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eras
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the course of one lifetime. My generation and the generation of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
seem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
that one could assume they are
Possible spelling mistake found.
hundert
years apart. The rise of technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
human rights movements,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
faster way of living
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
this all happened in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
50 years. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
era
of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
was healthier and more satisfying than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

This essay will discuss why I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that it is more beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
generation to experience my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and not my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
era
of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
was happening on the streets and in the nature,
in contrast
to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in front of the screens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had more face to face interactions among themselves than we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
.
Furthermore
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
did they know their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they actually hanged out with them on a daily basis. In the present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
era
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
communicate
as well
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more through the screen than in person.
For example
, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
alone, oftentimes I would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
type on my computer for few days straight, without real conversation
Possible spelling mistake found.
occuring
, which at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
made me feel unhappy. And since I value happiness as the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
generations would be happier in the previous era.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
era
of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
simpler. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
were mindful and more peaceful,
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
didn’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
choices as we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
. Contrary to general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
that more choices equals more satisfaction, studies have shown that it is in fact the opposite.
In other words
, more opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
mean more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
when making a decision.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
generations to experience the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
actually had
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun choices is countable.
less
choices,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
explored them deeper and with more attention and gratification.

All this
being said
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
would benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more from the lifestyle my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had, than from the lifestyle I maintain. To sum up, they wouldn’t
be surrounded
with computers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which leads to higher levels of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
happiness and
they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a simpler and more attentive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
than we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
.
26Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
91Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that the icreased presence of violence in flms and television thesed ays is resposible for the rising incidents of violent crimes among youth in society. They argue that governments have a duty to control the media so as to reduce this v. 2

Essay
  American English
13 paragraphs
835 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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