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Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced? v.6

Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced? v. 6
These days brutality in movies has been increasing dramatically, which creates strenuous community concerns such as people do imitation to commit crimes and impacts on a child’s mental health. These problems can be counteracted using stringent legal laws and parents guidance. Firstly, one significant concern from violent movies is people tend to copy ideas to committing offence. In other words, these movies show violence scenes which give suggestion to people and help them to carry out the crime. For example, a murder has been done in Gurgaon, India, which is influenced by a famous criminal series. Secondly, these films affecting hugely on children’s brains. This is because infants are sensitive and innocent, so they could not distinguish between murder and action clips which is helpful to learn bad qualities such as fighting with peers and disobedience. Consequently, these movies could be dangerous for society’s growth. The possible solution to solve these problems is that films should be sanctioned by the censor board. They could strictly observe every movie and provide stringent guidelines for making movies that would be beneficial to control crime in the community. In India, take for example, terrorism movies always censored by the cinema board. Additionally, guardians could prohibit their children to watch such movies and spend time with them. They could motivate them to play sports and for other extracurricular activities which would be helpful to improve their health. Furthermore, the violent scenes ought to eliminate from movies in order to people and children could see without any drawbacks. In conclusion, the high standard offence has been burgeoning in movies which cause serious social issues such as people following the same ways to commit crimes that are shown in movies and these movies affect an infant’s mental well-being. Legal rules from the censorship board and direction from parents would be advantageous to curb these concerns.
These
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
brutality in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
has been increasing
dramatically
, which creates strenuous community concerns such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do imitation to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and impacts on a child’s mental health. These problems can
be counteracted
using stringent legal laws and parents guidance.

Firstly
, one significant concern from violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to copy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to committing
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
.
In other words
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
violence scenes which give suggestion to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to carry out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
For example
, a murder has
been done
in Gurgaon, India, which
is influenced
by a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
criminal series.
Secondly
, these films affecting
hugely
on children’s brains. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
infants are sensitive and innocent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they could not distinguish between murder and action clips which is helpful to learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
qualities such as fighting with peers and disobedience.
Consequently
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for society’s growth.

The possible solution to solve these problems is that films should
be sanctioned
by the censor board. They could
strictly
observe every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
and provide stringent guidelines for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
that would be beneficial to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the community. In India, take
for example
, terrorism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
always censored by the cinema board.
Additionally
, guardians could prohibit their children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and spend time with them. They could motivate them to play sports and for other extracurricular activities which would be helpful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health.
Furthermore
, the violent scenes ought to eliminate from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and children could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
without any drawbacks.

In conclusion
, the high standard
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
has been burgeoning in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
which cause serious social issues such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
following the same ways to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
that
are shown
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
affect an infant’s mental well-being. Legal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
from the censorship board and direction from parents would be advantageous to curb these concerns.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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