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Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country's police force or military force, such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. What is your opinion? v.5

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country's police force or military force, such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. What is your opinion? v. 5
There is no doubt that gender equality is a major concern for every country. While many argue that females should be treated equal to males, others think they are not ready for jobs in the army or police. I believe that women are as strong as men, and should be given equal opportunities in any field. Firstly, women are equally capable of performing the same tasks as men. This is proven by women achieving great ranks in the military as well as the police force. For example, Kiran Bedi, one of the most respected police officers in India, has been among the highest ranked officers in the department. She is admired by many young girls around the country. If we do not treat them equally, and restrict them of an armed forces jobs, this will demotivate them to not perform in other fields also. As a result, the balance in society will be disturbed. Secondly, to develop a country, women should be encouraged in every field. Because of this, a sense of competition is built among the genders, and each work hard to over perform other. For instance, men have an inbuilt ego that they can physically outperform a woman. When they see them as equal, doing the same tasks as them, they try to work more. Furthermore, children seeing both their parents work equally, to the same when they grow up. This helps a country to have a talented and competitive workforce. Consequently, the economy increases and a country develops. To conclude, unless the government takes appropriate steps to overcome the gender inequality, this problem will only escalate. In my opinion, women are performing better than men in certain areas. This is a sign that, they are equally capable, and should be treated as such.
There is no doubt that gender equality is a major concern for every
country
. While
many
argue that females should
be treated
equal to males, others
think
they are not ready for jobs in the army or police. I believe that
women
are as strong as
men
, and should be
given
equal opportunities in any field.

Firstly
,
women
are
equally
capable of performing the same tasks as
men
. This
is proven
by
women
achieving great ranks in the military
as well
as the police force.
For example
, Kiran
Bedi
, one of the most respected police officers in India, has been among the highest ranked officers in the department. She
is admired
by
many
young girls around the
country
. If we do not treat them
equally
, and restrict them of
an armed
forces jobs, this will demotivate them to not perform in other fields
also
.
As a result
, the balance in society will
be disturbed
.

Secondly
, to develop a
country
,
women
should
be encouraged
in every field.
Because of this
, a sense of competition
is built
among the genders, and each work
hard
to over perform other.
For instance
,
men
have an inbuilt ego that they can
physically
outperform a woman. When they
see
them as equal, doing the same tasks as them, they try to work more.
Furthermore
, children seeing both their parents work
equally
, to the same when they grow up. This
helps
a
country
to have a talented and competitive workforce.
Consequently
, the economy increases and a
country
develops.

To conclude
, unless the
government
takes appropriate steps to overcome the gender inequality, this problem will
only
escalate. In my opinion,
women
are performing better than
men
in certain areas. This is a
sign
that, they are
equally
capable, and should
be treated
as such.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country's police force or military force, such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. What is your opinion? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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