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Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced? v.10

Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced? v. 10
Movies play an important role in human life, especially in term of entertainment. People love to spend their times watching movies together with their family or their beloved ones as it is very entertaining. However, some people argue that the frequent acts of atrocity in movies have been creating a worse impact on society. These usually involve physical violence which is unacceptable in the real world. Thus, putting restrictions for viewers of a certain age is hoped to reduce. Many scenes in films portray that hurting people physically is something normal in daily life. Frequently, the filmmakers put more fight scenes to illustrate how individuals deal with conflicts among their peers as they believe that the more fights added in a movie, the more captivating as it becomes. For example, instead of making a verbal argument scene between two men who have a conflict, the scriptwriter chooses to make it in a real fight. Consequently, some teenagers who watch this may consider that as something fine for adults and will keep that in mind until they grow older. Thus, this will lead people in the next generation to have rude and arrogant behaviour towards others. Nevertheless, one of the solutions to tackle is by giving more limitations, especially to teenagers. Though National Film Boards have been doing their job as well, the parents still have to be more aware of in controlling what their children watch. For instance, Teens are allowed to watch thrillers when they are 15 or older with parents’ guidance. Also, they all can sit together to discuss which kind of scene that is appropriate to the value of their family. Ultimately, by becoming more selective and restricted to the movies, such bad behaviour is expected to be reduced. In conclusion, the negative impact of violent film scenes will influence young people to do so in reality. To decrease the drawbacks, older people need to pay attention to what youngsters are watching these days.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Movies
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in human life,
especially
in term of entertainment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to spend their times watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
together with their family or their beloved ones as it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
entertaining.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the frequent acts of atrocity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
have been creating a worse impact on society. These
usually
involve physical violence which is unacceptable in the real world.
Thus
, putting restrictions for viewers of a certain age
is hoped
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
in films portray that hurting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
physically
is something normal in daily life.
Frequently
, the filmmakers put more fight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
to illustrate how individuals deal with conflicts among their peers as they believe that the more fights
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
, the more captivating as it becomes.
For example
,
instead
of making a verbal argument
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scene
between two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who have a conflict, the scriptwriter chooses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it in a real fight.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
this may consider that as something fine for adults and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
that in mind until they grow older.
Thus
, this will lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
next
generation to have rude and arrogant
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
towards others.

Nevertheless
, one of the solutions to tackle is by giving more limitations,
especially
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. Though National Film Boards have been doing their job
as well
, the parents
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be more aware of in controlling what their children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
.
For instance
, Teens are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
thrillers when they are 15 or older with parents’ guidance.
Also
, they all can sit together to discuss which kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scene
that is
appropriate to the value of their family.
Ultimately
, by becoming more selective and restricted to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of violent film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
will influence young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in reality. To decrease the drawbacks, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to pay attention to what youngsters are watching these days.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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