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Many people believe that the current generation of children does not know how to interact socially with others. Why is this the case? What can be done to encourage more social interaction between children? v.2

Many people believe that the current generation of children does not know how to interact socially with others. Why is this the case? What can be done to encourage more social interaction between children? v. 2
Many argue that the generation of today lack of social communication skills. This problem is due to the Internet and parents should limit the use of the Internet in order to encourage interaction with their peers. The main reason why children of today do not have well developed social skills is because of the Internet. Boys and girls tend to stay indoor rather than spending time with their friends. They are hooked with playing online games or watching movies which are the main reasons why they sit in front of their computers or gadgets for a long time. This nature of the Internet deprives children to enhance and learn their skills in interacting with others. For example, a recent study conducted by the Association of Pediatric Doctors in the Philippines revealed that the number of children who play in the parks reduced significantly when Internet accessibility became easier. The best solution to this predicament is parents should limit the use of the Internet. This is to say that fathers and mothers should strictly allocate a certain time their offsprings could use the Internet. By doing this, children would resort or forced to play outdoors with their friends because their common nature is that they will not be satisfied sitting in one area doing nothing. For example, in my neighbors' house, they have a rule that the use of the Internet is only allowed for 30 minutes everyday and 1 hour during weekend, and their children visit the park after their usage of the Internet as their request. In conclusion, it is true that the generation of the 21st century do not have good social skills because of the overconsumption of the Internet and this problem could be solved if parents will impose a strict rule on how long Internet could be used by their offsprings.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
argue that the generation of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
lack of social communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. This problem is due to the Internet and parents should limit the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the Internet in order to encourage interaction with their peers.

The main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
do not have
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well developed
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the Internet. Boys and girls tend to stay indoor
rather
than spending time with their friends. They
are hooked
with playing online games or watching movies which are the main reasons why they sit in front of their computers or gadgets for a long time. This nature of the Internet deprives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to enhance and learn their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in interacting with others.
For example
, a recent study conducted by the Association of Pediatric Doctors in the Philippines revealed that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who play in the parks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
significantly
when Internet accessibility became easier.

The best solution to this predicament is parents should limit the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the Internet. This is to say that fathers and mothers should
strictly
allocate a certain time their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet. By doing this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would resort or forced to play outdoors with their friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their common nature is that they will not
be satisfied
sitting in one area doing nothing.
For example
, in my
Possible spelling mistake found.
neighbors&
#039;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, they have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the Internet is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
for 30 minutes
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
and 1 hour during weekend, and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
visit the park after their usage of the Internet as their request.

In conclusion
, it is true that the generation of the 21st century do not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the overconsumption of the Internet and this problem could
be solved
if parents will impose a strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
on how long Internet could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that the current generation of children does not know how to interact socially with others. Why is this the case? What can be done to encourage more social interaction between children? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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