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many people believe that parents are too permissive to their children. Do you agree that this is a problem. Defend your answer v.1

many people believe that parents are too permissive to their children. Do you agree that this is a problem. Defend your answer v. 1
Extinction of languages is becoming increasingly prevalent in this day and age. Some people believe that this should not be a cause of concern as life will be simpler with fewer languages. I completely disagree with this opinion and I believe that life will still remain as complicated as it is even with fewer languages. Firstly, the number of languages that an average person is able to be comfortably fluent in will be two or three at the most. If people are of the opinion that the demise of certain languages would make it easier for them to use their native tongue for fluently communicating overseas for work or travel, they would be completely mistaken. This is because the countries have deep rooted traditions and cultures that cannot fade away so quickly. For instance, one would still have to learn Chinese or Japanese if they would like to work in either of these places. Furthermore, countries with one language are not free from a complicated society. This is because the root of the complexities of lives does not reside in the number of languages that exists in the world, but in the way mankind treats one another. We could have two people in a room who speak the same language but have multiple disagreements and have another two who might get along very well despite the language gap. In conclusion, I believe that life will not be much easier just because there are fewer languages. In fact, the world will be a much more interesting place if different cultures and languages co-exist. Also, ultimately life will become simplified only when the mankind shows the resolve to bridge the gap in their everyday communication.
Extinction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
is becoming
increasingly
prevalent in this day and age.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this should not be a cause of concern as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
will be simpler with fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. I completely disagree with this opinion and I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
will
still
remain as complicated as it is even with fewer languages.

Firstly
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
that an average person is able to be
comfortably
fluent in will be two or three at the most. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that the demise of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easier for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their native tongue for
fluently
communicating overseas for work or travel, they would be completely mistaken. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the countries have
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
deep rooted
traditions and cultures that cannot fade away
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
quickly
.
For instance
, one would
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn Chinese or Japanese if they would like to work in either of these places.

Furthermore
, countries with one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
are not free from a complicated society. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the root of the complexities of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
does not reside in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
that exists in the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the way mankind treats one another. We could have two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in a room who speak the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have multiple disagreements and have another two who might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well despite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
gap.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
will not be much easier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. In fact, the world will be a much more interesting place if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
co-exist.
Also
,
ultimately
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
will become simplified
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when the mankind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the resolve to bridge the gap in their everyday communication.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay many people believe that parents are too permissive to their children. Do you agree that this is a problem. Defend your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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