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Alcohol plays an important part in the lives of many people. However, some problems are connected with alcohol use. In what ways can the use of alcohol be negative for an individual or a society? How can these problems be overcome? v.1

Alcohol plays an important part in the lives of many people. However, some problems are connected with alcohol use. In what ways can the use of alcohol be negative for an individual or a society? How can these problems be overcome? v. 1
The consumption of alcoholic beverages plays a major role in the lives of millions. Forms of beer, wine and spirits have been drunk for millennia. It is said that when used responsibly, alcohol can enhance the quality of life. However, medical experts point to the dangers and pitfalls connected with uncontrolled drinking and urge governments to take steps to restrict the sale of these potentially hazardous substances. Obviously, drinking excessively can be detrimental. Consumers of alcohol may become over-dependent or even addicted, leading to loss of employment, debt or financial ruin, a breakdown in relationships and even criminal activity or suicidal thoughts. Naturally, this might have far wider implications for society in general. If a significant proportion of the population misuses alcohol, the consequences may be disastrous: productivity will fall as workers take days off sick with hangovers and alcohol-related illnesses such as liver and kidney failure; children will be brought up inadequately by parents who are inebriated or absent; the crime rate will soar and burglaries, robberies and violent street-crime in particular will rise. Society will struggle to function under these conditions. The authorities can take measures to prevent this state of affairs. Firstly, advertising campaigns can raise awareness amongst the general public about the perils of alcohol overuse. Similarly, schoolchildren can be educated about the specific health risks. Political leaders should also consider putting taxes on drinks like vodka and cider to cut consumption. The revenue received could cover the costs of treating ill alcoholics. Finally, strict laws ought to be brought in allowing courts to impose prison sentences on anyone found drunk in public. The inappropriate use of alcohol is worrying, and implementing the policies mentioned in the previous paragraph would undoubtedly lead to a massive improvement. I am convinced that this would make individuals and society significantly happier.
The consumption of alcoholic beverages plays a major role in the
lives
of millions. Forms of beer, wine and spirits have
been drunk
for millennia. It
is said
that when
used
responsibly
,
alcohol
can enhance the quality of life.
However
, medical experts point to the
dangers
and pitfalls connected with uncontrolled drinking and urge
governments
to take steps to restrict the sale of these
potentially
hazardous substances.

Obviously
, drinking
excessively
can be detrimental. Consumers of
alcohol
may become over-dependent or even addicted, leading to loss of employment, debt or financial ruin, a breakdown in relationships and even criminal activity or suicidal thoughts.
Naturally
, this might have far wider implications for society
in general
. If a significant proportion of the population misuses
alcohol
, the consequences may be disastrous: productivity will fall as workers take days off sick with hangovers and alcohol-related illnesses such as liver and kidney failure; children will
be brought
up
inadequately
by parents who
are inebriated
or absent; the crime rate will soar and burglaries, robberies and violent street-crime
in particular
will rise. Society will struggle to function under these conditions.

The authorities can take measures to
prevent
this state of affairs.
Firstly
, advertising campaigns can raise awareness amongst the
general public
about the perils of
alcohol
overuse.
Similarly
, schoolchildren can
be educated
about the specific health
risks
. Political leaders should
also
consider putting taxes on drinks like vodka and cider to
cut
consumption. The revenue received could cover the costs of treating ill alcoholics.
Finally
, strict laws ought to
be brought
in allowing courts to impose prison sentences on anyone found drunk in public.

The inappropriate
use
of
alcohol
is worrying, and implementing the policies mentioned in the previous paragraph would
undoubtedly
lead to a massive improvement. I
am convinced
that this would
make
individuals and society
significantly
happier.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS essay Alcohol plays an important part in the lives of many people. However, some problems are connected with alcohol use. In what ways can the use of alcohol be negative for an individual or a society? How can these problems be overcome? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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