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Many people believe that modern inventions have brought more problems than the benefit. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Many people believe that modern inventions have brought more problems than the benefit. v. 1
Modern discoveries, which are considered as the development of a nation, so, it is really made human life easier, are the result of research. In this context, a section of society thinks that many problems have been caused by modern innovation rather than its advantages. However, I disagree with the aforementioned statement owing to the following reasons. To begin with, even though advanced technologies have some negative effects on society, it makes people’s life more easier than compared to the past, so, it is beneficial for society. To make it clearer, if people had resided far away from either their office or their home, technologies would have helped them in various ways to keep touch with their near once through mobile phone and the internet. This, in turn, gets information at any point of time from anywhere, thereby making individuals new life. For example, a recent study by Cape Breton university showed that both organisations and the private places have used CCTV cameras for collecting accurate information on that place even if owners are not at the certain place which enable to get information through the phone or the computer. Hence, it is needless to say that technology supports people in numerous way to lead a comfortable life. Secondly, although modern inventions have created little obstacles in human’s life, it would assist people to solve the critical problems. To be precise, had people suffered by many serious health problems, it would have been found and cure not only by the help of machines but also by the medicines. This would, in turn, solve crucial issues along with a solution. For instance, a recent government survey conducted in hospitals reveals that 52% of health care centres have fully equipped by advanced machines to test and find the diseases from human bodies. Therefore, anyone can say without any doubt that modern finding is a boon not a bane for a society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Modern
discoveries, which
are considered
as the development of a nation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it is
really
made human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier, are the result of research. In this context, a section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems have
been caused
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
innovation
rather
than its advantages.
However
, I disagree with the aforementioned statement owing to the following reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
even though
advanced technologies have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
than compared to the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it clearer, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had resided far away from either their office or their home, technologies would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them in various ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
touch with their near once through mobile phone and the internet. This, in turn,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
information at any point of time from anywhere, thereby making individuals new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, a recent study by Cape Breton university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that both
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
and the private places have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
CCTV cameras for collecting accurate information on that place even if owners are not at the certain place which enable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information through the phone or the computer.
Hence
, it is needless to say that technology supports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in numerous way to lead a comfortable life.

Secondly
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
inventions have created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
obstacles in human’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, it would assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to solve the critical problems. To be precise, had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffered by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious health problems, it would have
been found
and cure not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of machines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
by the medicines. This would, in turn, solve crucial issues along with a solution.
For instance
, a recent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
survey conducted in hospitals reveals that 52% of health care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
have
fully
equipped by advanced machines to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
and find the diseases from human bodies.
Therefore
, anyone can say without any doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
finding is a boon not a bane for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that modern inventions have brought more problems than the benefit. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
319 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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