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Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree? v.10

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. v. 10
Nowadays, media plays a vital role in daily activities. Children those who are watching media have a great impact on their activities. It has two sides of a coin. Firstly, media are mainly used for communication that is possible through paper, television and the Internet. In earlier, newspapers are used for knowing the daily activities what will happen in and around the world, and it will take minimum one day to reach that news to the people. After that, television makes it simple by showing the people about the world in videos. Now, with the extensive use of the Internet, anything what will happen in the world will be displayed on screens within a fraction of seconds through the satellites. Secondly, media covers a lot of news regarding sports, movies, politics and about celebrities. Celebrities are the people who are famous for their things. For example, Sachin Tendulkar is a celebrity, who is famous for cricket and is known as father of cricket. Media covers a lot of information about them like what they are doing, what is their style? , how they will take the stress and their daily activities. As a result, common people believe that they are heroes and their role models. In advertisements, celebrities will act to earn more money and they will do actions like drive the car with more speed, jumping from mountains, cycling in the rocks and flying like a spider man. In fact, they will not do all these really, they can be created by using graphics. Children observing that actions done by them and implementing them in their real lives, which causes serious life threatening problems. For instance, recently in Mumbai a young boy jumped from the balcony by watching an advertisement on television, in which his favourite star acted, thinking that he can also able to do that activity. In conclusion, I strongly agree up to a certain extent. Famous people real and camera life, both are different. Children can take only inspired qualities from them and it is good if we admire their actions or roles and their hard work to become a star, but it is not good to practice some actions in real life.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
plays a vital role in daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Children those who are watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have a great impact on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. It has two sides of a coin.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are
mainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for communication
that is
possible through paper, television and the Internet. In earlier, newspapers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for knowing the daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
what will happen in and around the world, and it will take minimum one day to reach that news to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. After that, television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it simple by showing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the world in videos.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, with the extensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the Internet, anything what will happen in the world will
be displayed
on screens within a fraction of seconds through the satellites.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
covers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
news regarding sports, movies, politics and about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrities
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for their things.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
, who is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for cricket and
is known
as father of cricket.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
covers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
information about them like what they are doing, what is their style?
Loose punctuation mark.
,
how they will take the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
As a result
, common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that they are heroes and their role models. In advertisements,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
will act to earn more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they will do actions like drive the car with more speed, jumping from mountains, cycling in the rocks and flying like a spider
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. In fact, they will not do all these
really
, they can
be created
by using graphics. Children observing that actions done by them and implementing them in their real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, which causes serious life threatening problems.
For instance
, recently in Mumbai a young boy jumped from the balcony by watching an advertisement on television, in which his
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
star acted, thinking that he can
also
able to do that activity.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
up to a certain extent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
real and camera life, both are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. Children can take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
inspired qualities from them and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
if we admire their actions or roles and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work to become a star,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to practice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions in real life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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