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Many people believe that economic development is necessary for a country’s success. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such approach? v.1

Many people believe that economic development is necessary for a country’s success. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such approach? v. 1
Nowadays, people have variety view about how countries should measure their progress. While, economic advanced is indispensable part of society’s improvement, but I also believe that other measure of development share equal important just as this. Therefore, there are both pros and cons about this issue that we will argue in this essay. Indeed, there are some key reasons why economic growth is seen as a fundamental goal for countries. First of all, the most rational argument in favor of this assertion is that economic development unfolds possibility to have a high level of living standards for people. In addition, economic progress ensure that more money is available for all of strata of society. So, followed by this the poverty is eliminated. Moreover, a healthy economic result in job creation, a high level of employment and the better income for all of people. Finally, a strong economy can help a country’s state on global stage, in terms of its trading power and the political situation. Despite those said advantages, I believe that the downside of the economic development on the social behavior is more worrying. In the point of my view, the community values like the customs, habits and moral will be disappeared. For instance, in the development countries with the powerful economy, the sense of help and support can be vanished due to many things for all people. In conclusion, the key role of economic in the country is clear and we know that the economy improvement advantages will have significant positive effects on the societies. But we must keep in mind that social, environmental and health criteria are equally considerable.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have variety view about how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should measure their progress. While,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
advanced is indispensable part of society’s improvement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
also
believe that other measure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
share equal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as this.
Therefore
, there are both pros and cons about this issue that we will argue in this essay.

Indeed
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
key reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a fundamental goal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the most rational argument in favor of this assertion is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
unfolds possibility to have a high level of living standards for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress ensure that more money is available for
Consider using "all strata" or "all of the strata".
all of strata
of society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, followed by this the poverty
is eliminated
.
Moreover
, a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
result in job creation, a high level of employment and the better income for all of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Finally
, a strong economy can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
state on global stage, in terms of its trading power and the political situation.

Despite those said advantages, I believe that the downside of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
on the social behavior is more worrying. In the point of my view, the community values like the customs, habits and moral will
be disappeared
.
For instance
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with the powerful economy, the sense of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and support can
be vanished
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things for all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, the key role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
clear and
we know that the economy improvement advantages will have significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on the societies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind that social, environmental and health criteria are
equally
considerable.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that economic development is necessary for a country’s success. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such approach? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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