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Many people believe that big businesses in addition to generating profits should be involved in and responsible for the social life of the community To what extent do you agree or disagree Give your opinion v.2

Many people believe that big businesses in addition to generating profits should be involved in and responsible for the social life of the community Give your opinion v. 2
In present time, television has become an essential part of everyone's home. A debate is going on between two groups of people about the usefulness of television where one group thinks that it is very effective equipment which can help to educate ourselves. On the contrary, the other group believes that it is a complete waste of time and a total failure as a teacher. In my personal opinion, I believe that television can become an effective teacher if used correctly. This essay will highlight both of the views and evidence supporting my personal opinion in this regard. The first group says that television is a great medium for education. In support of their views, they say that nowadays it is not only a means of entertainment but also a medium for teaching. The various cultural program telecast by the television can improve our knowledge on foreign culture. Moreover, many kinds of educational videos are shown which can be of great benefit to the students. By watching different programs on versatile topics, everyone can increase their knowledge on that subject. Many educational institutions are introducing multimedia classrooms where interesting and educational videos are shown on television. Research has shown that this type of education has proved to be more effective than the traditional one. On the contrary, the other group says that as a teacher television is of little use and students are addicted to television which is affecting them instead of doing any good. To prove their point, they have done a research of their own, which shows that the students who use more time watching television than studying are performing poorly in school. As a result, their opinion is to remove television as a medium of teaching, as television can never replace an actual teacher. To summarize, we can say that although television is becoming a popular tool for teaching, the overuse of it can bring disaster. In modern days we cannot keep ourselves away from the technology. So, to make television an effective teacher we have to be very careful on how to use them. If we can ensure this, then everyone will be benefitted greatly by this invention of modern science.
In present time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has become an essential part of everyone's home. A debate is going on between two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about the usefulness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
where one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
equipment which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to educate ourselves.
On the contrary
, the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
believes that it is a complete waste of time and a total failure as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
. In my personal opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can become an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
correctly
. This essay will highlight both of the views and evidence supporting my personal opinion in this regard.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
says
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is a great medium for education. In support of their views, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
say
that nowadays it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a means of entertainment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a medium for teaching. The various cultural program telecast by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our knowledge on foreign culture.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of educational videos
are shown
which can be of great benefit to the students. By watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
programs on versatile topics, everyone can increase their knowledge on that subject.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
educational institutions are introducing multimedia classrooms where interesting and educational videos
are shown
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. Research has shown that this type of education has proved to be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
than the traditional one.

On the contrary
, the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
says
that as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and students
are addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
which is affecting them
instead
of doing any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. To prove their point, they have done
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the students who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more time watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
than studying are performing
poorly
in school.
As a result
, their opinion is to remove
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
as a medium of teaching, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can never replace an actual teacher.

To summarize
, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
say
that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is becoming a popular tool for teaching, the overuse of it can bring disaster. In modern days we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
ourselves away from the technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
careful on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them. If we can ensure this, then everyone will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
greatly
by this invention of modern science.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that big businesses in addition to generating profits should be involved in and responsible for the social life of the community Give your opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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