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Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. To what extent do you agree or disagree that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goal? v.8

Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goal? v. 8
From the western countries' point of view, owning things is something really important. In fact, it can describe your social status and fulfil your life with every possession available. Thus, it's not a surprise that the objective of these countries is to produce more and more goods and materials. Economically, it is a great idea, because the surplus will be sold to other countries that need them, for an increased price in order to gain an income, while the required amount of them is satisfied with the minimum effort for the producer country. For example, we can look at the production of weapons in Italy, they sell weapons to almost every country in the world and they but it's a crime to own weapons without a special permission as a hunter or a member of the police or army. The main problem with this conception is that there are billion of items that remain unsold and they will become trash later. For the most part, this huge amount of garbage will be processed and digested. Whereas, there are also some of them that can't be recycled. In particular, the plastic items. Therefore, they will stay in the environment for thousands of years and we can just find them in our oceans, seas, rivers and so on. In conclusion, I think that every country should focus less on producing plastic items, weapons and harmful objects. Instead they should try to switch to recyclable options and renewable energy sources like water and wind.
From the western countries' point of view, owning things is something
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. In fact, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
your social status and fulfil your life with every possession available.
Thus
, it's not a surprise that the objective of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is to produce more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and materials.

Economically
, it is a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the surplus will
be sold
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that need them, for an increased price in order to gain an income, while the required amount of them
is satisfied
with the minimum effort for the producer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, we can look at the production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weapons
in Italy, they sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weapons
to almost every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it's a crime to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weapons
without a special permission as a hunter or a member of the police or army.

The main problem with this conception is that there are
Use "a billion" or use a number before 'billion'.
billion
of items that remain
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
unsold and
they will become trash later.
For the most part
, this huge amount of garbage will
be processed
and digested.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them that can't
be recycled
.
In particular
, the plastic items.
Therefore
, they will stay in the environment for thousands of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
years and
we can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
find them in our oceans, seas, rivers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should focus less on producing plastic items,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weapons
and harmful objects.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Instead
they should try to switch to recyclable options and renewable energy sources like water and wind.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goal? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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