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The data detail information about of the ages stage of populations between Yemen and Italy, in 2000 and projections for 2050. v.1

The data detail information about of the ages stage of populations between Yemen and Italy, in 2000 and projections for 2050. v. 1
A lot of individuals nowadays are required to work shifts. Such people are exposed to a variety of problems such as high levels of stress and criminals who might come during the night shift. A few steps can be taken to solve these issues. Shift workers are faced by different problems regardless of their jobs. Firstly, the exhaustion that they face during their working hours is undeniable. Due to not having regular working hours, their bodies cannot adapt to a specific working pattern since they might work in the evenings or at night. As a result, they suffer from the lack of sleep and feel sluggish in the morning and cannot focus on any tasks. Secondly, people who work during the night shift are exposed to the serious problem of facing dangerous people. For instance, a cashier who works at night might face dangerous criminals, thieves, or people who consumed large amounts of alcohol or drugs. There are some steps that can mitigate or even eliminate the drawbacks of working shifts. Shift workers must take care of themselves during the time they are not working. In other words, they must get at least seven hours of sleep, eat three healthy meals, and take vitamins. This can help their bodies get stronger and avoid malnutrition and fatigue. Furthermore, they should be checked by their doctors regularly since they are likely to develop anxiety and high blood pressure due to high levels of stress. Another point is that supermarkets that are open during the night must install cameras inside and outside the store to threaten criminals. In conclusion, although shift workers face some problems, they can be reduced if cameras were installed in supermarkets and if employees took care of themselves and maintained their health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
individuals nowadays
are required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shifts
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are exposed
to a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as high levels of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and criminals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shift
. A few steps can
be taken
to solve these issues.

Shift workers
are faced
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
regardless of their jobs.
Firstly
, the exhaustion that they face during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours is undeniable. Due to not having regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours, their bodies cannot adapt to a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
pattern since they might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the evenings or at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
.
As a result
, they suffer from the lack of sleep and feel sluggish in the morning and cannot focus on any tasks.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shift
are exposed
to the serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, a cashier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
works at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
might face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
criminals, thieves, or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
consumed large amounts of alcohol or drugs.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps that can mitigate or even eliminate the drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shifts
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shift
workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take care of themselves during the time they are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
.
In other words
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
at least seven hours of sleep, eat three healthy meals, and take vitamins. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their bodies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stronger and avoid malnutrition and fatigue.
Furthermore
, they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
by their doctors
regularly
since they are likely to develop anxiety and high blood pressure due to high levels of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. Another point is that supermarkets that are open during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
install cameras inside and outside the store to threaten criminals.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shift
workers face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
if cameras
were installed
in supermarkets and if employees took care of themselves and maintained their health.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The data detail information about of the ages stage of populations between Yemen and Italy, in 2000 and projections for 2050. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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