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Many people are spending a lot of money on their weddings. Do you think this is a good thing? v.2

Many people are spending a lot of money on their weddings. Do you think this is a good thing? v. 2
Marriage is an important event in a person’s life, so everyone wants to make it memorable. The trend of the expensive marriage ceremony is burgeoning in our society; however, I believe that this is a preposterous thing because this phenomenon results in a waste of hard-earned money, and raises many social issues in society. To embark with, people work hard to make both ends meet by doing an odd job, along with a full-time job to save money for their wedding ceremony. Therefore, this money spends on orchestra, firework and, high-class food to make the event attractive for the audience. However, the gratification of the audience is futile for themselves, instead, this money could be spared for their future such as child health care, education. For example, a recent survey report published in the Daily Times revealed that 40% of couples after marriage run in debt and they have to borrow money from their parents and friends for their medical, and other basic expenses. What is more, expensive weddings develop a sense of inferiority in people who cannot afford to arrange a lavish event. While in peer pressure, they want to show off their kith and kin, people borrow a hefty amount to pay wedding bills. As a result, become bank defaulter, adding stress and frustration to their lives which has a horrifying effect on society such as broken marriages. For example, the United Nations’ annual report stated that 5% of the suicide case in all over the world revealed that failure to pay back the cash which was borrowed leads them to take this extreme step. To conclude, people are augmenting their wedding expenses to make it worth remembering; however, this essay argued that it is bad for society and individuals such as becoming penny-less after the event, adding up psychological pressure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Marriage
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
in a person’s life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
everyone wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it memorable. The trend of the expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
ceremony is burgeoning in our society;
however
, I believe that this is a preposterous thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this phenomenon results in a waste of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-earned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, and raises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social issues in society.

To embark with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
both ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
by doing an odd job, along with a full-time job to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
ceremony.
Therefore
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spends on orchestra, firework and, high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
food to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
attractive for the audience.
However
, the gratification of the audience is futile for themselves,
instead
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could
be spared
for their future such as child health care, education.
For example
, a recent survey report published in the Daily Times revealed that 40% of couples after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
run in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
debt and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
borrow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from their parents and friends for their medical, and other basic expenses.

What is more
, expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
develop a sense of inferiority in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot afford to arrange a lavish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
. While in peer pressure, they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off their kith and kin,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
borrow a hefty amount to pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
bills.
As a result
, become bank defaulter, adding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and frustration to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
which has a horrifying effect on society such as broken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriages
.
For example
, the United Nations’ annual report stated that 5% of the suicide case in all over the world revealed that failure to pay back the cash which
was borrowed
leads them to take this extreme step.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are augmenting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
expenses to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it worth remembering;
however
, this essay argued that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for society and individuals such as becoming penny-less after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
, adding up psychological pressure.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many people are spending a lot of money on their weddings. Do you think this is a good thing? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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