Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that sports is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people believe that sports is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion. v. 2
It is important to consider the role sports play during the early years of a child's developmental process. While there are people who argue that sports ought to be a neccessary part of the school life, there are those who think that sports should be completely optional at schools. I completely agree with the former idea, and in this essay, I will explore both the sides of the argument and provide the reason behind my opinion. On the one hand, we have people who think sports should be purely optional, and schools should not force sports into the curriculum of schoolgoers. One reason behind this argument can be the obvious fact that a compulsory sports period might leave children with lesser time for academic subjects. As a result, some students might perform poorly at exams. Another reason behind this argument may be that some kinds of sports are likely to leave children at a higher risk of injury. For example, a recent study found that schools in New York, which had forced participation with respect to sports, had higher number of children who reported injuries compared to schools where sports was not mandatory. On the other hand, we also have people who believe that sports should be an essential part of school life. Playing sports might have many crucial benefits. One such benefit is that sport in school helps children to develop important social skills such as conflict resolution and the art of making friends; As a result, children get better equipped for upcoming life struggles. Another prime factor behind this idea might be the fact that early-life physical activies are paramount for the proper development of the body; thus, children who play sports at school are, in general, healthier than their non-sports counterparts. In conclusion, despite some minor downsides of making sports compulsory at schools, children can indeed benefit greatly from a routine where sports is made mandatory. Therefore, I extend my unequivocal support to the idea that sports should remain an essential part of the curriculum.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider the role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
play during the early years of a child's developmental process. While there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
ought to be a
Possible spelling mistake found.
neccessary
part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
life, there are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should be completely optional at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, and in this essay, I will explore both the sides of the argument and provide the reason behind my opinion.

On the one hand, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should be
purely
optional, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should not force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
into the curriculum of
Possible spelling mistake found.
schoolgoers
. One reason behind this argument can be the obvious fact that a compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
period
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with lesser time for academic subjects.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
perform
poorly
at exams. Another reason behind this argument may be that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of injury.
For example
, a recent study found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in New York, which had forced participation with respect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, had higher number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
reported injuries compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
was not mandatory.

On the other hand
, we
also
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should be an essential part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
life. Playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
crucial benefits. One such benefit is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as conflict resolution and the art of making friends;
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better equipped for upcoming life struggles. Another prime factor behind this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be the fact that early-life physical
Possible spelling mistake found.
activies
are paramount for the proper development of the body;
thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are,
in general
, healthier than their non-sports counterparts.

In conclusion
, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor downsides of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
compulsory at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
indeed
benefit
greatly
from a routine where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "am", "are", "aren".
is
made mandatory.
Therefore
, I extend my unequivocal support to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should remain an essential part of the curriculum.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that sports is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts