Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

do you agree or disagree with the followingsome peole believe that work five days a week for short time is better than work three days a week for long time v.1

with the followingsome peole believe that work five days a week for short time is better than work three days a week for long time v. 1
It is argued by senior citizens that they have lived a better life in the past than this era of modernization. I firmly agree with this view because earlier people were facing less air pollution issues than now and relationship bonding was very strong among family members. It is a known fact that air pollutions is causing detrimental health issues to the masses. Before the proliferation of automobile industries the pollution level was significantly less. In addition, over hundred varieties of ailments are being caused by the air pollution due to a high number of vehicles emitting carbon dioxide into the atmosphere; as a result, people with immune deficit are prone to be affected by wheezing problem. For instance, The Pollution Control Board of India reported that, the respiratory patients ratio has been surged by 20% than the previous projections and projected to grow more in the future. Thus, elderly people tend to admire their past lives. Another factor to consider is that the relationship connection was robust in the previous decades. A few decades ago, people were living as a joint family, where they were very supportive and had a solid bonding with each other. However, nowadays, a number of family members have been shrinking and living as a nuclear family. Consequently, they are not getting proper guidance from elderly people and have become unsocial. To illustrate, a research team of St. Joseph University in Singapore found that the individuals who are living in a joint family are more sociable with others than those who live in a nuclear family. In conclusion, this essay explained about the healthy life and a solid connection among family members, that people had earlier. Therefore, I am of the opinion that life in the past was superior.
It
is argued
by senior citizens that they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
a better life in the past than this era of modernization. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were facing less air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
issues than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and relationship bonding was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strong among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

It is a known fact that air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutions
is causing detrimental health issues to the masses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the proliferation of automobile industries the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
level was
significantly
less.
In addition
, over hundred varieties of ailments are
being caused
by the air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
due to a high number of vehicles emitting carbon dioxide into the atmosphere;
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with immune deficit are prone to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by wheezing problem.
For instance
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pollution
Control Board of India reported that, the respiratory
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "patients'" or "patient's"?
patients
ratio has
been surged
by 20% than the previous projections and projected to grow more in the future.
Thus
, elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to admire their past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Another factor to consider is that the relationship connection was robust in the previous decades. A few decades ago,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were living as a joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, where they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
supportive and had a solid bonding with each other.
However
, nowadays, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members have been shrinking and living as a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Consequently
, they are not getting proper guidance from elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and have become unsocial. To illustrate, a research team of St. Joseph University in Singapore found that the individuals who are living in a joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are more sociable with others than those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a nuclear family.

In conclusion
, this essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
about the healthy life and a solid connection among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had earlier.
Therefore
, I am of the opinion that life in the past was superior.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay with the followingsome peole believe that work five days a week for short time is better than work three days a week for long time v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts