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Many parents today organize extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends. Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do or do you feel children have enough education at school? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant v.2

Many parents today organize extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends. Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do or do you feel children have enough education at school? 2
Social media is playing a vital role in connecting people around the globe. However, friendship, using technological means of communication has positive as well as negative points. In my opinion, physical connection between two persons is necessary to build a sincere relationship. Firstly, this essay will discuss the good sides of online friendship. Secondly, risky effects of online attachment will be discussed. Moreover, the trend of using mobile and computer technology is burgeon. People, specifically youth is involved more in making new relations online. While doing so, people are getting in touch with friends over the world, they converse about their cultures, resources, economies and many other things. Such discussion stimulates the minds of connected persons to think out of the box. Moreover, virtually connected people are more curious to visit the people and places they heard only. Hence, internet chat groups and friendships, create the tourism which has ultimate positive effects on the country's economy. On the contrary, social media is full of risks, people do not know each other's origin and reality, therefore, the chances of fraud is much higher than the physical relationships. In addition, people are making fake accounts using false identity with an intention to cheat others. Moreover, scam people are clever enough to steal your data and personal information by showing their affection and sincerity to you. They can use this data for blackmailing or to urge you to do something wrong. However, the chances of fraud are very rare in physical relationships because the people are from the nearest areas, societies and mostly from one country. It is easy to investigate a person before developing any important relation. In conclusion, the use of social media and the internet is beneficial only to some extent, but the chances of insecurities are higher than its benefits. People must be careful while building a close relationship in any chat groups. I opine that, youth must avoid to sharing their personal information with any internet friend.
Social media is playing a vital role in connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the globe.
However
, friendship, using technological means of communication has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points. In my opinion, physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
two persons is necessary to build a sincere
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sides of online friendship.
Secondly
, risky effects of online attachment will
be discussed
.

Moreover
, the trend of using mobile and computer technology is
Consider using a past participle here: "burgeoned".
burgeon
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
,
specifically
youth
is involved
more in making new relations online. While doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting in touch with friends over the world, they converse about their cultures, resources, economies and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other things. Such discussion stimulates the minds of connected persons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
out of the box.
Moreover
,
virtually
connected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more curious to visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and places they heard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
Hence
, internet chat groups and friendships, create the tourism which has ultimate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on the country's economy.

On the contrary
, social media is full of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not know each other's origin and reality,
therefore
, the chances of fraud is much higher than the physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are making fake accounts using false identity with an intention to cheat others.
Moreover
, scam
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are clever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to steal your data and personal information by showing their affection and sincerity to you. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this data for blackmailing or to urge you to do something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
However
, the chances of fraud are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rare in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are from the nearest areas, societies and
mostly
from one country. It is easy to investigate a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
developing any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
relation.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of social media and the internet is beneficial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the chances of insecurities are higher than its benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be careful while building a close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
in any chat groups. I opine that, youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
avoid to sharing their personal information with any internet friend.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Many parents today organize extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends. Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do or do you feel children have enough education at school? 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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