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The table below gives information on the gender marital status and age of employees working in retail and manufacturing industries of a country Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The table below gives information on the gender marital status and age of employees working in retail and manufacturing industries of a country
It is thought by many that products nowadays are being sold because of the powerful advertisings that are held. However, these sold goods do not reflect the need of society. This essay agrees with this concept due to the high marketing budgets spent and the emergence of e-marketing. The amount of money spent on marketing for a product is very high compared to how much this product is needed by the consumer. Loads of cash are used to persuade potential customers to buy a product using the effect of celebrity endorsements. This strategy is convincing and the consumers always fall for it. For example, Nike has spent more than 2 million dollars to market hideous shoes partnering with Miley Cyrus which led the sales to skyrocket. On the other hand, the rise of the e-marketing has made the whole advertising easier and more accessible. Nowadays, companies can reach every client through the internet through their account on social media as those sites keep records of each registered person's interests. Therefore, these marketing strategies have been more effective than the usual advertising methods. For example, once I searched for a car to rent and by the time I was finished, my Facebook account was filled with ads of rental car companies. In conclusion, people these days buy goods based on who and what influenced them through advertising and not by how much they need them due to the abundant amount of money spent on marketing and the easy access to all potential consumers through internet ads.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
nowadays are
being sold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the powerful
Possible spelling mistake found.
advertisings
that
are held
.
However
, these sold
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
do not reflect the need of society.

This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this concept due to the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
budgets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
and the emergence of e-marketing.

The amount of money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high compared to how much this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is needed
by the consumer. Loads of cash are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to persuade potential customers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
using the effect of celebrity endorsements. This strategy is convincing and the consumers always fall for it.
For example
, Nike has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
more than 2 million dollars to market hideous shoes partnering with Miley Cyrus which led the sales to skyrocket.

On the other hand
, the rise of the e-marketing has made the whole advertising easier and more accessible. Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can reach every client
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
their account on social media as those sites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
records of each registered person's interests.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
strategies have been more effective than the usual advertising methods.
For example
, once I searched for a car to rent and by the time I
was finished
, my Facebook account
was filled
with ads of rental car
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
these days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
based on who and what influenced them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
advertising and not by how much they need them due to the abundant amount of money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
and the easy access to all potential consumers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
internet ads.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The table below gives information on the gender marital status and age of employees working in retail and manufacturing industries of a country

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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