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Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem. v.1

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem. v. 1
It is often to say that a large number of criminals commit either the same number of crimes or more once they have served their first sentence. This is the result of the lack of education and rehabilitation plans in jails. This phenomenon could be fixed developing different plans to help approach offenders to adapt to the society once they are released from prison. Firstly, one of the most important reason of why the offenders commit crimes again is because during their sentence, they do not have the opportunity to learn and develop different skills to help them to be part of the society and have a better future. A significant number of criminals did not receive any education, hence they turn to crime to survive. There are two different solutions that can avoid criminals to commit crime again. One is to provide them with plans to develop skills such as: painting, plumbing, wood working among others. This will help to find different opportunities and solutions when they finish with their sentence, therefore, they can aim for a job in an area that they like. Other solution, is to implement a system that connects them with companies that are looking to employ people with the skills they have developed while serving their sentence. In conclusion, educational plans and skills developing are two of the measures that can provide a possible solution to prevent people from making mistakes that could send them back to jail. This will also help to build a better society.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
to say that
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
criminals commit either the same number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
or more once they have served their
first
sentence. This is the result of the lack of education and rehabilitation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
in jails. This phenomenon could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
approach offenders to adapt to the society once they
are released
from prison.

Firstly
, one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason of why the offenders commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
again is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
during their sentence, they do not have the opportunity to learn and develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to be part of the society and have a better future. A significant number of criminals did not receive any education,
hence
they turn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
to survive.

There are two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
that can avoid criminals to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again. One is to provide them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as: painting, plumbing, wood working among others. This will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
opportunities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
when they finish with their sentence,
therefore
, they can aim for a job in an area that they like. Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
, is to implement a system that connects them with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that are looking to employ
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
they have developed while serving their sentence.

In conclusion
, educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
developing are two of the measures that can provide a possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from making mistakes that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them back to jail. This will
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to build a better society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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