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Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? v.3

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? v. 3
It is argued that people who use their own vehicles should be heavily taxed so that public transportation system can be developed from the tax money. However, there are some benefits and drawbacks to such a trend that need to be considered. Firstly, the number of vehicles that enter urban areas may be reduced due to the high taxation on private car owners. In other words, the imposed fines may not be affordable to people because they have already been paying a considerable amount of money for fuel and the maintenance of their cars. As a result of this, it may prevent / discourage / stop) people from using private cars and they might seek alternative modes of transportation. Secondly, it is known that many public transport services in the country are in poor condition due to the lack of financial resources. Therefore, imposing tax on private car users could be a way for governments to earn some money and invest it for upgrading public transport services. Consequently, people will not hesitate to travel by buses or trains any more. On the other hand, there are some negative outcomes to this approach. Imposing unreasonable fines on its citizens can lead to disputes between the authorities and the general public. In addition, there are many countries which are underdeveloped and have low personal incomes and tax on private vehicles will put them in more financial difficulties. In this regard, people get disappointed and they may conduct strikes or protests which may be harmful for the country’s economy. Moreover, it is for people to decide whether they should use private cars or public transport for commuting even though those services are in greater condition. In conclusion, it is true that imposing heavy taxes on private car owners and using that tax money to develop the public transport system definitely have some positive outcomes. However, there are some disadvantages to this phenomenon that need to be considered.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicles should be
heavily
taxed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation system can
be developed
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits and drawbacks to such a trend that need to
be considered
.

Firstly
, the number of vehicles that enter urban areas may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
due to the high taxation on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
owners.
In other words
, the imposed fines may not be affordable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have already been paying a considerable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for fuel and the maintenance of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
As a result
of this, it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
/ discourage /
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
Unpaired symbol: '(' seems to be missing
)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cars and
they might seek alternative modes of transportation.
Secondly
, it
is known
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
services in the country are in poor condition due to the lack of financial resources.
Therefore
, imposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
users could be a way for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and invest it for upgrading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
services.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not hesitate to travel by buses or trains
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes to this approach. Imposing unreasonable fines on its citizens can lead to disputes between the authorities and the general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
.
In addition
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries which
are underdeveloped
and have low personal incomes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
vehicles will put them in more financial difficulties. In this regard,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
disappointed and
they may conduct strikes or protests which may be harmful for the country’s economy.
Moreover
, it is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to decide whether they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
for commuting
even though
those services are in greater condition.

In conclusion
, it is true that imposing heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
owners and using that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
system definitely have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages to this phenomenon that need to
be considered
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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