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Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening? And what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? v.9

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening? And what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? v. 9
Crime, in many countries, has gone beyond the alarming rate. Hence, it is becoming a frequent norm to come across some or the other offence. There are a lot of criminals who tend to re-offend or commit more serious felony, after being punished, primarily because they become resentful towards the society and blame others for their misdemeanour. This way of thinking can be changed if individuals are given the opportunity to live a normal life. In many cases, criminals are seen to repeat the same acts, which landed them behind bars, upon being freed from their crime sentences. One reason for this is not all such people are born-criminals and when expelled from the society they tend to re-commit offences in isolation, because there is no one to accept them. Having a crime record makes it difficult for them to land a job, making them resentful towards the society. Further, due to lack of money they retort to smaller offences like theft or vandalism. For example, in many countries crime rates are high only because the convicted are treated differently and are accepted by its people. Thus, forcing them to revert back to their perpetrating attitudes. Nevertheless, while there are chances of the convicted, being forced out of circumstances, to commit offence after serving their initial punishment; necessary steps can be taken such as providing them job opportunities. This will keep them engaged in work and also allow them to earn for a living. Initiatives should be taken by the government and people, by involving them in charity work and encouraging them to socialise freely with the citizens. Rehabilitation programmes for offenders, for instance, prepares such people to re-enter the society and offers education that will help them find jobs. To conclude, many criminals re-commit offences, after serving their initial sentence such as prison, due to lack of acceptance or respect by their fellow citizens; however, this can be prevented if they have the same rights as others in the society. Such people deserve another chance and involving them in charity work is a way for them to lament their crimes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, has gone beyond the alarming rate.
Hence
, it is becoming a frequent norm to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
or the other
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
criminals who tend to re-offend or commit more serious felony, after
being punished
,
primarily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they become resentful towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and blame others for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
misdemeanour
. This way of thinking can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
if individuals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a normal life.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, criminals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to repeat the same acts, which landed them behind bars, upon
being freed
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
sentences. One reason for this is not all such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are born
-criminals and when expelled from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
they tend to re-commit
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
in isolation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no one to accept them. Having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
record
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult for them to land a job, making them resentful towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Further
, due to lack of money they retort to smaller
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
like theft or vandalism.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates are high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the convicted
are treated
differently
and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Thus
, forcing them to
Consider using "revert".
revert back
to their perpetrating attitudes.

Nevertheless
, while there are chances of the convicted,
being forced
out of circumstances, to commit
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
after serving their initial punishment; necessary steps can
be taken
such as providing them job opportunities. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them engaged in work and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to earn for a living. Initiatives should
be taken
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, by involving them in charity work and encouraging them to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
freely
with the citizens. Rehabilitation
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
for offenders,
for instance
, prepares such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to re-enter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and offers education that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them find jobs.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
criminals re-commit
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
, after serving their initial sentence such as prison, due to lack of acceptance or respect by their fellow citizens;
however
, this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
if they have the same rights as others in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deserve another chance and involving them in charity work is a way for them to lament their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening? And what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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