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Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measure can be taken to tackle this problem? v.4

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measure can be taken to tackle this problem? v. 4
Committing more offence by prisoners who are released after serving their first time is likely to happen. This is because of the lack of access to skill learning centers within the correctional facilities. However, this can be resolved by introducing them to basic skill acquisition, such as carpentry and soap-making. The chances of first-time offenders who have served time becoming a repeat offender is high due to the lack of skill training in prisons, which is valuable in securing employment. This therefore, makes it hard for them to survive outside jail without resorting back to a life of crime. For instance, countries like Norway who make access to online education easy and free for prisoners, record a yearly decline in repeated crimes by same offenders as knowledge obtained while incarcerated is used in getting jobs when released back to the society. A major way to combat repeated crime by first time offenders is for the government to add trade training within the correctional facilities. Doing this will enable the offenders acquire life skills like carpentry, thereby boosting their resume and eligibility to work in a furniture company. To illustrate, prisoners who know how to make furniture can build and sell home cabinets when released from prison, which enables them to earn enough to cater for themselves. In conclusion, though a lot of prisoners commit more offence after serving their first jail term due to non-access to skill trading facilities in prison, this can be tackled by authorities making provisions for skill building infrastructure within the prison.
Committing more
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are released
after serving their
first
time is likely to happen. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
learning centers within the correctional facilities.
However
, this can
be resolved
by introducing them to basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
acquisition, such as carpentry and soap-making.

The chances of
first
-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have served time becoming a repeat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offender
is high due to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
training in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
, which is valuable in securing employment. This
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to survive outside jail without resorting back to a life of crime.
For instance
, countries like Norway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
access to online education easy and free for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
, record a yearly decline in repeated crimes by same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
as knowledge obtained while incarcerated is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in getting jobs when released back to the society.

A major way to combat repeated crime by
first
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
is for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
trade training within the correctional facilities. Doing this will enable the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
acquire life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like carpentry, thereby boosting their resume and eligibility to work in a furniture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
furniture can build and sell home cabinets when released from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
, which enables them to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to cater for themselves.

In conclusion
, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
commit more
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
after serving their
first
jail term due to non-access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
trading facilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
, this can
be tackled
by authorities making provisions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
building infrastructure within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measure can be taken to tackle this problem? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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