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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem? v.16

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem? v. 16
With the current economic situation, although many countries have achieved agricultural achievements, their lives are still difficult. Even suffering from hunger. Research shows that one of the causes is population growth and unemployment. Let's clarify the cause and learn measures to understand why many people around the world still go hungry in spite of the advances made in farming. To begin, population growth takes place in many countries and is gradually out of control. Many households still work hard to earn money. However they are helpless, the house is too crowded. Therefor, they are exhausted and really depressed. Another in fact, at every meal almost everyone has to give it for children and elderly people. They only eat moderately. The effect is due to that these people will not be able to guarantee health. This is a terrible thing. In the other hand, unemployment takes place in young people who are not willing to study and sluggish. Except for those who are not qualified to study. Today, life 4. 0 and this is unbelievable. Firstly, companies need talent to contribute. This is evidenced by the recruitment of famous companies. They need a diploma of 6. 5 or graduates from a university or other reasons. Besides, they can help the company go up and achieve many achievements. They have no job, no money to live and no need to go hungry. Secondly, young people will absorb faster than old people. Last, all companies need young people to devote long- term dedication because companies do not want to pay too much budget for the oldster when they retire. In general, this needs to be addressed to overcome and eliminate hunger in agricultural countries. Hence, eager is Extremely scary. Of course the only way to improve is to invest in education itself. Communicate for everyone to know the appropriate reproductive program. Such as scholarship for poor children or tuition fee support. Besides, there should be a policy to support the older person appropriately such as the government also build nursing homes. In general, for agricultural countries, hunger and hunger still happen very badly. Hopefully in the near future the number of hungry people will decrease.
With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
economic situation, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have achieved agricultural achievements, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are
still
difficult. Even suffering from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
. Research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that one of the causes is population growth and unemployment.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's clarify the cause and learn measures to understand why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world
still
go hungry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the advances made in farming.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, population growth takes place in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and is
gradually
out of control.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
households
still
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn money.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
they are helpless, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
is too crowded. Therefor, they
are exhausted
and
really
depressed. Another in fact, at every meal almost everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
give it for children and elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
eat
moderately
. The effect is due to that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not be able to guarantee health. This is a terrible thing. In the other hand, unemployment takes place in young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not willing to study and sluggish.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Except for
those who are not qualified to study.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, life 4. 0 and this is unbelievable.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
talent to contribute. This
is evidenced
by the recruitment of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
a diploma of 6. 5 or graduates from a university or other reasons.
Besides
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
go up and achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
achievements. They have no job, no money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to go hungry.
Secondly
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will absorb faster than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Last, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to devote long- term dedication
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
do not want to pay too much budget for the oldster when they retire.
In general
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
be addressed
to overcome and eliminate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
in agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Hence
, eager is
The extreme adjective for scary is "terrifying".
Extremely scary
.
Of course
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
is to invest in education itself. Communicate for everyone to know the appropriate reproductive program. Such as scholarship for poor children or tuition fee support.
Besides
, there should be a policy to support the older person
appropriately
such as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
build nursing homes.

In general
, for agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
still
happen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
badly
.
Hopefully
in the near future the number of hungry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will decrease.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem? v. 16

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
362 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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