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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Where do you think people would love to go more enthusiastically, museums that have an entry fee or the other where anybody can walk-in for free? In my opinion, people are more attracted and excited to go to a place when they are paying for it. Although, paid museums are out of reach for many people, but definitely it is worth paying some money when you get an organized space, easy dispersal and a voice guide. Moreover, it also increases tourism. Primarily, it is really disheartening that not many people are able to visit museums that incur an entry charge due to low income. Due to this, many children, who are the future of the society will be deprived of cultural, art and music knowledge that is offered best in the museums. Paid museums are definitely more popular amongst tourists and natives as well. Firstly, visitors get a mind boggling experience when they are exploring the museum with the headphones plugged-in which acts a voice guide for you. Secondly, paid museums tend to get less crowded, which offers enough space for people to explore their favorite art, history piece or read about their beloved musicians. In addition to this, the most important benefit of entry fee is that people only pay for what they are interested in. In a recent survey, in 2017, it was reported that 65% of people are interested to go to art museum, 25% people, like to read about history and only 15% visit museums that are related to music and musical instruments. Furthermore, it offers a better way to analyze the trend and to improve accordingly. To conclude, increase in tourism, high quality experience at museums, exploring only the subject you are interested in, is definitely worth paying a small fee for admission to the museum. Hence, there are definitely more benefits of incurring fees in museums as compared to allowing free entry for everyone
Where do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to go more
enthusiastically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
that have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
or the other where anybody can walk-in for free? In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more attracted and excited to go to a place when they are paying for it. Although, paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are out of reach for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
definitely
it is worth paying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an organized space, easy dispersal and a voice guide.
Moreover
, it
also
increases tourism.

Primarily
, it is
really
disheartening that not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
that incur an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
charge due to low income. Due to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children, who are the future of the society will
be deprived
of cultural, art and music knowledge that
is offered
best in the museums.

Paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
definitely
more popular amongst tourists and natives
as well
.
Firstly
, visitors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a mind boggling experience when they are exploring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
with the headphones plugged-in which acts a voice guide for you.
Secondly
, paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less crowded, which offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to explore their favorite art, history piece or read about their beloved musicians.

In addition
to this, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
pay for what they
are interested
in. In a recent survey, in 2017, it
was reported
that 65% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are interested
to go to art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, 25%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, like to read about history and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15% visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
that
are related
to music and musical instruments.
Furthermore
, it offers a better way to analyze the trend and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
accordingly
.

To conclude
, increase in tourism, high quality experience at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, exploring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the subject you
are interested
in, is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
definitely
worth paying a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
for admission to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
Hence
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
definitely
more benefits of incurring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
as compared to allowing free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
for everyone
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
319 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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