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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museum outweigh the disadvantages v. 152 v.42

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museum outweigh the disadvantages v. 152 v. 42
Most of the time the public need to pay an entrance fee for visiting museums except in few occasions where it is offered for free. Although charging may have a negative impact on school children and poor people, in general, it prevents overcrowding and provides funds for the development of the museum. Therefore, my personal perspective is accepting a pay for the entrance is more beneficial. To begin with, recommending an admission charge for museums makes the experience not affordable by pupils and the lower economic class. In fact, the knowledge that acquires through visiting these places is imperative for the education and hence, charging the money is unjustifiable by this domain of the community. For an instance, in Sri Lanka, the majority of school children are highly enthusiastic regarding museums because learning regarding the history is a compulsory element in the school curriculum, but many loose the opportunity due to lack of wealth to pay. However, this drawback can be easily overcome by special offers to selected groups. On the other hand, getting an entrance fee allows the museum to earn a capital for the future improvement and mitigates the overcrowding. Furthermore, merely government funds are inadequate for the development and maintenance of such places and acquiring an admission charge is therefore an appropriate strategy. Moreover, by charging, the visitor crowd of the museum can be confined to people who have a true desire and a value and able to eliminate individuals who come as it offers free. For an instance, a survey done in Sri Lanka has revealed that after implementing a payment system for the national museum, overcrowding and congestion have declined considerably on public holidays and the authorities could flourish facilities of this place by utilizing funds which were generated through getting a pay In conclusion, despite the fact that imposing an admission fee is not fair by students and poor people, it aids to raise funds for the improvement and plummets the congestion and overcrowding related issues. Therefore, advantages of charging a fare clearly outweigh drawbacks.
Most of the time the public need to pay an entrance fee for visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
except in few occasions where it
is offered
for free. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on school children and poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
in general
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcrowding
and provides funds for the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
Therefore
, my personal perspective is accepting a pay for the entrance is more beneficial.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, recommending an admission charge for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the experience not affordable by pupils and the lower economic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. In fact, the knowledge that acquires through visiting these places is imperative for the education and
hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
the money is unjustifiable by this domain of the community. For an instance, in Sri Lanka, the majority of school children are
highly
enthusiastic regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
learning regarding the history is a compulsory element in the school curriculum,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
loose the opportunity due to lack of wealth to pay.
However
, this drawback can be
easily
overcome by special offers to selected groups.

On the other hand
, getting an entrance fee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
to earn a capital for the future improvement and mitigates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcrowding
.
Furthermore
,
merely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funds are inadequate for the development and maintenance of such places and acquiring an admission charge is
therefore
an appropriate strategy.
Moreover
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
, the visitor crowd of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
can
be confined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have a true desire and a value and able to eliminate individuals who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
as it offers free. For an instance, a survey done in Sri Lanka has revealed that after implementing a payment system for the national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcrowding
and congestion have declined
considerably
on public holidays and the authorities could flourish facilities of this place by utilizing funds which
were generated
through getting a pay

In conclusion
, despite the fact that imposing an admission fee is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
by students and poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it aids to raise funds for the improvement and plummets the congestion and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overcrowding
related issues.
Therefore
, advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
a fare
clearly
outweigh drawbacks.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museum outweigh the disadvantages v. 152 v. 42

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
341 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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