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University students should pay all the costs of their studies because university education benefits only individuals but not the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

University students should pay all the costs of their studies because university education benefits only individuals but not the society as a whole. v. 1
Universities have functioned as the most important institution for the purpose of developing intellectuals in a country. Nowadays, more and more people have started the discussion over whether those who go to universities should pay the full tuition without any subsidy from the government. Some reckon that college students should not enjoy the subsidy from the government because it only benefits the students instead of the whole public. From my perspective, I totally disagree with this statement. Higher education is definitely good for the whole nation, not just for the students. It is knowledgeable people that propel the development of the new technology, medicine, or new ideas. For example, in the medical industry, without people who are rich in the knowledge of pharmacy, we cannot develop effective medicine for use to fight the outbreak of disease. People might suffer from the epidemic severely, causing hundreds of thousands of deaths in the globe. Also, without the training of higher education, we might not able to explore the universe, like we do now, that much. We might still know nothing about what is happening outside our atmosphere. Higher Education also cultivates people's critical and logical thinking. Thanks to this, we are able to open our mind to the world, embracing the difference, and decreasing the discrimination. Therefore, I would not say that attending university benefits only the individuals. It benefits the whole nation. Concerning the issue that who should pay for the tuition fee, I reckon that students do not have to pay all the costs of their studies, but part of the costs, because I believe that higher education institute is like a profit organisation. Where there is the demand there is the supply. If a person wants to become knowledgeable, s/he needs to pay for it. Apart from the time s/he has spent, the person needs to be charged to enjoy the service, that is, teaching in this sense. However, because students will also contribute to our nation and provide what they have learned, it is not reasonable to have them pay for all the costs. In a nutshell, I advocate for the idea that students do benefit our society in the long run and they do not have to pay for all the costs of their studies but partially on it.
Universities have functioned as the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
institution for the purpose of developing intellectuals in a country. Nowadays, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
the discussion over whether those who go to universities should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
the full tuition without any subsidy from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
reckon that college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should not enjoy the subsidy from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
instead
of the whole public. From my perspective, I
totally
disagree with this statement.

Higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the whole nation, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. It is knowledgeable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that propel the development of the new technology, medicine, or new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
For example
, in the medical industry, without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are rich in the knowledge of pharmacy, we cannot develop effective medicine for
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
fight the outbreak of disease.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
might suffer from the epidemic
severely
, causing hundreds of thousands of deaths in the globe.
Also
, without the training of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, we might not able to explore the universe, like we do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, that much. We might
still
know nothing about what is happening outside our atmosphere. Higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
also
cultivates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's critical and logical thinking. Thanks to this, we are able to open our mind to the world, embracing the difference, and decreasing the discrimination.
Therefore
, I would not say that attending university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the individuals. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
the whole nation.

Concerning the issue that who should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for the tuition fee, I reckon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
all the costs of their studies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
part of the costs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
institute is like a profit
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
“Where” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Where
there is the demand there is the supply. If a person wants to become knowledgeable, s/he needs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for it. Apart from the time s/he has spent, the person needs to
be charged
to enjoy the service,
that is
, teaching in this sense.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
also
contribute to our nation and provide what they have learned, it is not reasonable to have them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for all the costs.

In a nutshell, I advocate for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
our society in the long
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
run and
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for all the costs of their studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
partially
on it.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay University students should pay all the costs of their studies because university education benefits only individuals but not the society as a whole. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
382 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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