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Many museum charge for admission while many others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museum outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Many museum charge for admission while many others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museum outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
This writing sheds a new light on the pros and cons of charging entrance fees of museums. To embark on, the museum can gain substantial benefits from entry payment. Being one of numerous governmental infrastructure, museums tend to have modest expense to meet thousand needs such as employee's salary, maintain fee, . . . Therefore, having another source of revenue facilitates the museum to reduce their financial burden in associate with creating more opportunities to modify the museum and customer's experience like popularizing its image, enhance the preserve process, . . . , which result in attracting more customers and business partners. As a result, charging entrance fees can turn out to be positive as long as the museum have to take full advantage of the case. In contrast, entrance fee can have its own drawbacks. If the museum charge fee for entry, visitors are more likely to avoid it and choose others which is free as for several individuals who find it difficult to afford such a huge amount of money to visit a particular museum. Consequently, people can not acquire a wide range of useful information such as history, culture, art or others which usually display at museums. Eventually, museums which charge entrance fee appears to be putting a halt owning to the decline of visitors. All in all, I firmly supposed that the advantages of charging a reasonable fee for entry museum are overwhelming the disadvantages, even though not every museum should do that in order to remain the diverse choices for visitors.
This writing sheds a new light on the pros and cons of charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
of museums.

To embark on, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
can gain substantial benefits from entry payment. Being one of numerous governmental infrastructure,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
tend to have modest expense to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
thousand needs such as employee's salary, maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Therefore
, having another source of revenue facilitates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their financial burden in associate with creating more opportunities to modify the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and customer's experience like popularizing its image, enhance the preserve process
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
which result in attracting more customers and business partners.
As a result
, charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
can turn out to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
as long as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take full advantage of the case.

In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
can have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
drawbacks. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
charge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
for entry, visitors are more likely to avoid it and choose others which is free as for several individuals who find it difficult to afford such a huge amount of money to visit a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can not acquire a wide range of useful information such as history, culture, art or others which
usually
display at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
Eventually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
which charge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
appears to be putting a halt owning to the decline of visitors.

All in all, I
firmly
supposed that the advantages of charging a reasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
for entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
are overwhelming the disadvantages,
even though
not every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
should do that in order to remain the diverse choices for visitors.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many museum charge for admission while many others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museum outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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