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Many museums charge a fee while others not. Do you think the advantages of that outweigh the disadvantages. v.1

Many museums charge a fee while others not. Do you think the advantages of that outweigh the disadvantages. v. 1
Many people said that, in most countries, tourists have to buy entrance tickets to visit museums. However most of these places allow the public to visit without paying money, and some are not. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend and show that, indeed, with that money, the government will be able to maintain those artefacts in good condition for many years. There are numerous important advantages that can be brought to attention by charging a fee for entrance tickets in the museums. Firstly, authorities will be able to have sufficient funds to invest in historic discoveries. Recent findings said that most countries in the world fail to carry out these types of further discoveries due to a lack of funds. Secondly, the government will be able to create a value proposition on these types of locations. For example, from my own experience, people tend to add additional value for goods that they paid, rather than the goods that they received without any cost. Clearly, the authorities should charge a fee in order to maintain and add value to these types of mesmerise locations which shows the culture and lifestyle of their ancestors. Despite the benefits, there are some drawbacks associated with charging a fee from museums. Mainly, adding commercial value of these locations result in dropping quality. For instance, most museums in India, tourists have to pay for the entrance tickets. Even though authorities charge a huge amount of money for the ticket, they never try to uplift the quality and the service those visitors received. In addition, these higher prices demotivates tourists as well. Most of the budget travellers avoid these kinds of locations because of the price. Overall, though, these two drawbacks pale in comparison to the benefits. This essay discussed the advantages and disadvantages of charging a fee at the museums. In my opinion, although, there are drawbacks associated with charging a fee in the museums, the benefits clearly outweigh them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
said that, in most countries, tourists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tickets
to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
most of these places
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the public to visit without paying money, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are not. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that,
indeed
, with that money, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will be able to maintain those
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years.

There are numerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
advantages that can
be brought
to attention by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
for entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tickets
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
Firstly
, authorities will be able to have sufficient funds to invest in historic discoveries. Recent findings said that most countries in the world fail to carry out these types of
further
discoveries due to a lack of funds.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will be able to create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
proposition on these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locations
.
For example
, from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that they paid,
rather
than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that they received without any cost.
Clearly
, the authorities should charge a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
in order to maintain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
to these types of
Possible spelling mistake. 'mesmerise' is British English.
mesmerise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locations
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the culture and lifestyle of their ancestors.

Despite the benefits, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
Mainly
, adding commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locations
result in dropping quality.
For instance
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in India, tourists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for the entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tickets
.
Even though
authorities charge a huge amount of money for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
, they never try to uplift the quality and the service those visitors received.
In addition
, these higher prices demotivates tourists
as well
. Most of the budget
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
avoid these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the price.
Overall
, though, these two drawbacks pale
in comparison
to the benefits.

This essay discussed the advantages and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. In my opinion, although, there are drawbacks associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, the benefits
clearly
outweigh them.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many museums charge a fee while others not. Do you think the advantages of that outweigh the disadvantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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