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Task 2: The Quality of life in large cities is decreasing. What could be the reasons behind this. What measures can be taken to solve this problem? v.1

Task 2: The Quality of life in large cities is decreasing. What could be the reasons behind this. What measures can be taken to solve this problem? v. 1
With the industrialization, it is inevitable that more people will migrate to urban cities in order to seek for a better living environment and better opportunities in careers. Therefore,  the large migration will contribute to the worsening living environment for local residents due to many factors. The essay will discuss some these factors. To begin with, migration will increase population in large cities.  High population density will lead to people's more demand of food, housing and recreational facilities. However, it is a fact that limited supplies and services in urban areas cannot meet the residents’ basic needs. Overcrowded people, especially in the inner city areas, will contribute poor hygiene,  high unemployed rate and crime rates.  In addition, they also results in traffic congestion in cities due to increase in transport vehicles, especially private cars. Finally, increasing migration also results in air pollution in the regions.  More harmful gases will be emitted into the atmosphere from vehicles or factories. All these will contribute to a worse living environment for local residents in large cities. With the migration worldwide, proper methods should be carried out by local governments in order to maintain high quality of urban lifestyle. Firstly, it is necessary for governments to increase budgets in housing and facilities construction to meet the increasing demand of climbing population. More affordable housing will provide a healthy living environment for residents. Building new houses and facilities and maintaining existing ones also create jobs in the workforce market. With proper employment rate, the crime rate might be reduced. In addition, investing money in public transport system improvement will relieve the traffic congestions and attract more residents to use public transport rather than driving their own cars. Therefore, the number of private cars will reduce on the road and traffic congestion will be relieved. In conclusion,  the quality of life in large cites is affected by increasing migration from rural area to urban cities due to above reasons. These factors are able to be resolved by proper civic plans. Therefore, in order to maintain the inner city living environment, city governments should increase the budgets in housing and facilities construction and improvement of public transport.
With the industrialization, it is inevitable that more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will migrate to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in order to seek for a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
and better opportunities in careers.
Therefore
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migration
will contribute to the worsening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
for local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors. The essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
these factors.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migration
will increase population in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.  High population density will lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's more demand of food, housing and recreational facilities.
However
, it is a fact that limited supplies and services in urban areas cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents’
basic needs. Overcrowded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
in the inner city areas, will contribute poor hygiene,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
high unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
and crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
.  
In addition
, they
also
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "result"
results
in traffic congestion in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
due to increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
vehicles,
especially
private cars.
Finally
, increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migration
also
results in air pollution in the regions.  More harmful gases will
be emitted
into the atmosphere from vehicles or factories. All these will contribute to a worse living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
for local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
cities.

With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migration
worldwide, proper methods should
be carried
out by local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
in order to maintain high quality of urban lifestyle.
Firstly
, it is necessary for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to increase budgets in housing and facilities construction to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the increasing demand of climbing population. More affordable housing will provide a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
. Building new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and facilities and maintaining existing ones 
also
create jobs in the workforce market. With proper employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
, the crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
In addition
, investing money in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
system improvement will relieve the traffic congestions and attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
rather
than driving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cars.
Therefore
, the number of private cars will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
on the road and traffic congestion will
be relieved
.

In conclusion
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
the quality of life in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
cites is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migration
from rural area to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
due to above reasons. These factors are able to
be resolved
 by proper civic plans.
Therefore
, in order to maintain the inner city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should increase the budgets in housing and facilities construction and improvement of public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Task 2: The Quality of life in large cities is decreasing. What could be the reasons behind this. What measures can be taken to solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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