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Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists, not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract local people. v.2

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists, not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract local people. v. 2
The number of local people paid a visit to museums and historical places are significantly lower than that of number of the non-locals. Several reasons led to this issue and some actions should be taken to address this. It is understandable why many residents are not visiting their locally historical places. First off, school education have offered history knowledge to people, which brought a familiarity to their culture and history. As a result, people might have lost their interest in exploring the stories and old things persevered in museums and other historical zones. For example, school curriculums nowadays are embedded with a great number of high quality pictures of historical sites and things, which enables students to learn more effectively but might deters them from visiting these places to see directly. Second, visiting those places are costly to certain extent to the indigenous. Because maintaining fee and service fee of these places are considered as expensive resulting in the low level of interest among the locals. Some solutions should be considered to alleviate the situation. On the one hand, state government can hold several entrance free of charge days such as national holidays to attract local people. On the other hand, along with the existence of history books, school can provide field trips for students and their parents to get to know more local history together. By this way, young people do not get bored easily with historical subjects but also have longer memories about this knowledge and be proud of the past when they get a chance to learn by their eyes. In conclusion, many people are not visiting historical places where they reside as much as tourists are. Free entrance and field trip with peers would be a solution to address the current situation.
The number of local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
paid a visit to museums and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are
significantly
lower than that of number of the non-locals. Several reasons led to this issue and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions should
be taken
to address this.

It is understandable why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
residents are not visiting their
locally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
First
off, school education have offered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
knowledge to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which brought a familiarity to their culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might have lost their interest in exploring the stories and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
things persevered in museums and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
zones.
For example
, school curriculums nowadays
are embedded
with a great number of
Did you mean "highs"?
high
quality pictures of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
sites and things, which enables students to learn more
effectively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
might deters them from visiting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
directly
. Second, visiting those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are costly to certain extent to the indigenous.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
maintaining fee and service fee of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are considered
as expensive resulting in the low level of interest among the locals.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
solutions should
be considered
to alleviate the situation. On the one hand, state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can hold several entrance free of charge days such as national holidays to attract local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
On the other hand
, along with the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
books, school can provide field trips for students and their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know more local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
together. By this way, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored
easily
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have longer memories about this knowledge and be proud of the past when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to learn by their eyes.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
where they reside as much as tourists are. Free entrance and field trip with peers would be a solution to address the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists, not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract local people. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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