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In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.3

In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 3
In today's world, several schools in different parts of the globe are facing severe issues associated students' ways of behaving. This phenomenon has a number of causes, yet I believe there are certain actions that can be taken to avoid them. The main reason of such problem is related to a lack of parents' attention towards their children. Since lots of people have hectic routines, they tend to spend less time with their offsprings. As a result of poor parental guidance youngsters may freely utilize the Internet and social networking apps, where they are prone to encounter some explicit content without realizing its negative impact on their behaviour. A way forward is for fathers and mothers to devote a fair amount of time for their children. This may include organizing family gatherings, or having friendly conversations and reading books together. Another reason of behavioural issues among school children is the lax discipline in educational institutions. To be more specific, pupils with low marks and having problems with mastering the courses are punished in schools. In consequence, they often display disruptive behaviour toward school authorities. To remedy the situation teachers ought to have an individual consultation with each student. This would mean that they deal with the learning difficulties of pupils instead of subjecting them to a punishment. By the way of conclusion, abnormal behaviour of students is a result of scant attention by both parents and pedagogues. Nonetheless, this kind of issues can be avoided by special supervision and counselling of learners.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the globe are facing severe issues associated students' ways of behaving. This phenomenon has a number of causes,
yet
I believe there are certain actions that can
be taken
to avoid them.

The main reason of such problem
is related
to a lack of parents' attention towards their children. Since lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have hectic routines, they tend to spend less time with their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
.
As a result
of poor parental guidance youngsters may
freely
utilize the Internet and social networking apps, where they are prone to encounter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
explicit content without realizing its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. A way forward is for fathers and mothers to devote a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
amount of time for their children. This may include organizing family gatherings, or having friendly conversations and reading books together.

Another reason of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
issues among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children is the lax discipline in educational institutions. To be more specific, pupils with low marks and having problems with mastering the courses
are punished
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. In consequence, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
display disruptive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
authorities. To remedy the situation teachers ought to have an individual consultation with each student. This would mean that they deal with the learning difficulties of pupils
instead
of subjecting them to a punishment.

By the way of conclusion, abnormal
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of students is a result of scant attention by both parents and pedagogues. Nonetheless, this kind of issues can
be avoided
by special supervision and counselling of learners.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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