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, many minority languages are dying out. Some people think that it is unnecessary to save these languages. To what extent do you agree with rhis perspective v.1

, many minority languages are dying out. Some people think that it is unnecessary to save these languages. 1
A lot of graduates and post-graduates stay with their loved one, whilst others live far from their home due to their educational institutions is in a distant location. This essay will suggest that although living alone far from the comfort zone can help a person to become independent as well as learn new culture, it could have demerits like homesickness and depression. The principle benefits of living far is it helps to know about personal dependency with other family members. In a nuclear family all members are some extent rely on others which makes family living more interesting and loving. However, staying in a distant place helps to grow because washing, cooking and cleaning all daily chores are necessary to do besides study. For example, it has been seen in many different cases that people who lived alone fore a small period of time have some extracurricular activities compare to who did not stay far away. In addition to it, study abroad or a different city helps individuals to learn a new language and culture. It is vital to learn the local customs and tongue while living in different cultural place. The major drawback of studying away from home is some students become homesick and feel depressed. It is human nature to live with their loved one and when they are away from their precious person they feel sad. If their feelings are not positive, they cannot make friends because of the cultural barrier and constant missing of home. For instance, a research on suicidal tendencies among university students have shown that around more than seventy percentages foreign students have this tendency because they feel depressed and anxious. In conclusion, spending time away from the family could make an individual independent and strong, but it could have a hazardous impact on mental health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
graduates and post-graduates stay with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
one, whilst others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
from their home due to their educational institutions is in a distant location. This essay will suggest that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
from the comfort zone can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
a person to become independent
as well
as learn new culture, it could have demerits like homesickness and depression.

The principle benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
is it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to know about personal dependency with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. In a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
all members are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent rely on others which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
more interesting and loving.
However
, staying in a distant place
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
washing, cooking and cleaning all daily chores are necessary to do
besides
study.
For example
, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cases that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
alone fore a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
period of time have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extracurricular activities compare to who did not stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
.
In addition
to it, study abroad or a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
individuals to learn a new language and culture. It is vital to learn the local customs and tongue while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultural place.

The major drawback of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students become homesick and feel depressed. It is human nature to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
one and when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from their precious person they feel sad. If their feelings are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
, they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the cultural barrier and constant missing of home.
For instance
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
on suicidal tendencies among university students have shown that around more than seventy percentages foreign students have this tendency
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel depressed and anxious.

In conclusion
, spending time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an individual independent and strong,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it could have a hazardous impact on mental health.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay , many minority languages are dying out. Some people think that it is unnecessary to save these languages. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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