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Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.24

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. v. 24
Opinion has been divided on whether or not economic growth is the most essential target for a country to achieve. While some argue that the economy is the only significant aspect that the authority should pay attention to, I firmly hold that there are several elements to be considered while evaluating the development of a nation. There are some apparent reasons why people might claim that economic progress outweighs other components to be the only fundamental goal for countries. The first to mention is that a growing economy may bring about job creation, thereby the increase in the employment rate and the improvement in the average salaries of employees. Secondly, the economic advance possibly allows the country to consolidate its position in the international arena, concluded political, social and trading influences. Finally, without a sustainable economy, infrastructure and public services may fail to grow utterly since the budget would be too tight for the authority to run advanced methods, especially when the considerable advance in technology affects most aspects of people’s lives, which requires large amounts of money. Despite the preceding arguments, I support the view that various other factors are as crucial as the economic progress when estimating the improvement of a community. An indispensable target that a nation should meet is education, which is widely regarded as the basic standard of humanity. A comprehensive education system will likely enable citizens to get satisfying jobs, which means the state may reduce the unemployment rate and various offences. Moreover, health status is also a vital element in inhabitants’ living standard, in other words, if residents have excellent medical care, they possibly make a valuable contribution towards the improvement of the country. For example, regions enduring severe epidemics such as Ebola and MERS cannot develop as those having great health care systems. In conclusion, economic growth has an important role to play in the development of a country, but I believe that the government should regard various aspects like education or health systems as significant targets to meet.
Opinion has
been divided
on
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth is the most essential target for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to achieve. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that the economy is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
significant aspect that the authority should pay attention to, I
firmly
hold that there are several elements to
be considered
while evaluating the development of a nation.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
apparent reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress outweighs other components to be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fundamental goal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The
first
to mention is that a growing economy may bring about job creation, thereby the increase in the employment rate and the improvement in the average salaries of employees.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
advance
possibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to consolidate its position in the international arena, concluded political, social and trading influences.
Finally
, without a sustainable economy, infrastructure and public services may fail to grow
utterly
since the budget would be too tight for the authority to run advanced methods,
especially
when the considerable advance in technology affects most aspects of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, which requires large amounts of money.

Despite the preceding arguments, I support the view that various other factors are as crucial as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress when estimating the improvement of a community. An indispensable target that a nation should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
is education, which is
widely
regarded as the basic standard of humanity. A comprehensive education system will likely enable citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
satisfying jobs, which means the state may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the unemployment rate and various
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
.
Moreover
, health status is
also
a vital element in inhabitants’ living standard,
in other words
, if residents have excellent medical care, they
possibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a valuable contribution towards the improvement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, regions enduring severe epidemics such as Ebola and MERS cannot develop as those having great health care systems.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to play in the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should regard various aspects like education or health systems as significant targets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. v. 24

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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