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Many governments think economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Many governments think economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. v. 1
It is considered by some authorities that growth in the economy of the nation is most essential task which should be achieved. While, other experts argued that other progress, such as environmental, safety also play an important role in a developed country. I opine that both contribute an equal portion of their benefits. To begin with, the economic movement is indeed vital for countries. This is because, it provides abundant benefits to citizens such as: good facilities, high wages, a better quality life which is desired by everyone. Thus, economic progress can enhance regulation in the world. Taking Brazil as an example, the Government has imposed lots of policies for economic development. As a result, quality of life in Brazil has been considerably improved, which enable them to get better jobs and enhance their living standard. On the other hand, progress in the educational sector, pollution free environment is considerable factors for growth. In other words, the economic condition of the country cannot grow without the support of secure social condition, better political condition and advanced education system. Therefore, education leads to economic growth for some people When government priorities the educational the improvement of the educational system, it will produce professional who secures better paying jobs. As a result, they will provide a good return on investment for the country by paying higher tax. One clear example is Afghanistan, which is considered as insecure nation, in terms of politics, social world and weak education system for their students. To sum up, economic progression is a priority because it provides fame, but at the same time others developments are more important. From my viewpoint, both can be considered equally for better progression.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
authorities that growth in the economy of the nation is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
essential task which should
be achieved
. While,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
experts argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
progress, such as environmental, safety
also
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. I opine that both contribute an equal portion of their benefits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
movement is
indeed
vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, it provides abundant benefits to citizens such as:
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
facilities, high wages, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
quality life which
is desired
by everyone.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress can enhance regulation in the world. Taking Brazil as an example, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
has imposed lots of policies for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
development.
As a result
, quality of life in Brazil has been
considerably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, which enable them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
jobs and enhance their living standard.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, progress in the educational sector, pollution free environment is considerable factors for growth. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
condition of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
cannot grow without the support of secure social condition,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
political condition and advanced education system.
Therefore
, education leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
priorities the educational the improvement of the educational system, it will produce professional who secures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
paying jobs.
As a result
, they will provide a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
return on investment for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
by paying higher tax. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example is Afghanistan, which
is considered
as insecure nation, in terms of politics, social world and weak education system for their students.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progression is a priority
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides fame,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time others developments are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. From my viewpoint, both can
be considered
equally
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
progression.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Many governments think economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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