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Many elderly people are no longer looked after their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend and give your opinion? v.2

Many elderly people are no longer looked after their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend and give your opinion? v. 2
In the era of rapidly evolving technology, everyone is so busy in his or her works that he or she don’t give a proper time and care to his or her parents. For this reason, they sent them to the care centre to look after them. This essay will suggest that putting them in the nursing home for their better care is a primary disadvantage but left them at an older age is a major disadvantage. To embark with an optimistic side, it is the desire of everybody to live an exquisite lifestyle. They do a lot of hard work to get this life. Therefore, they are not able to spend much time with their parents. They know that these care homes are fruitful to take good care of their parents. There will be more focus on their health treatment. Furthermore, their parents would love to talk with other people in these homes. For example, there are high-renowned nursing homes which provide better facilities and give proper attention to the older ages. On the paradoxical side, every parent wants to pass their remaining time with their children. They did a lot of hard work for the good future of their children. It is the first and foremost duty of us to take special care of our parents. Moreover, many parents are not able to indulge in that environment and as a result, they become suffocated and faced many psychological problems. For example, fear and sorrow of keeping far away from their families lead them to many health diseases. To recapitulate, kept them in those homes is not a right way for their lives and sometimes it can lead to a disaster for them. As per my observation, parents are the great blessing of the God. They only want love, affection from us. They sacrificed their whole lives for us and we put them into those nursing centres.
In the era of
rapidly
evolving technology, everyone is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
works that he or she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "doesn’t", "didn’t".
don’t
give a proper time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For this reason
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
them to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
to look after them. This essay will suggest that putting them in the nursing home for their better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
is a primary disadvantage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
them at an older age is a major disadvantage.

To embark with an optimistic side, it is the desire of everybody to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
an exquisite lifestyle. They do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this life.
Therefore
, they are not able to spend much time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. They know that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
are fruitful to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. There will be more focus on their health treatment.
Furthermore
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to talk with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
.
For example
, there are high-renowned nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
which provide better facilities and give proper attention to the older ages.

On the paradoxical side, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
wants to pass their remaining time with their children. They did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
future of their children. It is the
first
and foremost duty of us to take special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not able to indulge in that environment and
as a result
, they become suffocated and faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
psychological problems.
For example
, fear and sorrow of keeping far away from their families lead them to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health diseases.

To recapitulate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
them in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
is not a right way for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it can lead to a disaster for them. As per my observation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the great blessing of the God. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
want
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, affection from us. They sacrificed their whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
us and
we put them into those nursing
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Many elderly people are no longer looked after their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend and give your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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