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should children be allowed to make their own decisions. discuss both views and express an opinion v.1

should children be allowed to make their own decisions. 1
While some people are of the opinion that, children should be encouraged to decide about things that concern them, others claim that such a strategy would result in a community of self-centred people. In my opinion, children should be given freedom to make their own decisions about matters concerning them. We will discuss both these views, in thiss essay. Asking for a child's views and encouraging the child to make decisions, will aid in the overall development of the child's critical thinking and cognitive abilities. Besides, it will also boost the self-esteem of the individual. For example, a report published by the American Psychiatrists' Association, claims that, people who were given the liberty to choose their own toys, when they were young were more self-assured and confident, in their adulthood, compared to their counterparts, who weren't encouraged to formulate opinions of their own. Hence, I believe that it is extremely crucial that kids learn how to make their own decisions. On the other hand, some people are of the view that, individuals, who are taught to decide about things, from their childhood, will lack empathy, as they grow up. For instance, kids without the luxury of several options tend to be more compassionate. Moreover, they tend to exhibit a better understanding of others' issues, as well. Although, the argument is partly true, I believe that kindness should be taught to kids, at home and at school. Only then, will they be a valuable asset to our society, in the future. In conclusion, though the opinions about letting children decide on matters concerning them may largely vary, I believe that young children should be allowed to make decisions, of their own. In the future, that will make our society be governed by self-assured individuals.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
to decide about things that concern them, others claim that such a strategy would result in a community of
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-centred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions about matters concerning them. We will discuss both these views, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
thiss
essay.

Asking for a child's views and encouraging the child to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
decisions, will aid in the
overall
development of the child's critical thinking and cognitive abilities.
Besides
, it will
also
boost the self-esteem of the individual.
For example
, a report published by the American Psychiatrists' Association, claims that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the liberty to choose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
toys, when they were young were more self-assured and confident, in their adulthood, compared to their counterparts, who weren't encouraged to formulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Hence
, I believe that it is
extremely
crucial that kids learn how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the view that, individuals, who
are taught
to decide about things, from their childhood, will lack empathy, as they grow up.
For instance
, kids without the luxury of several options tend to be more compassionate.
Moreover
, they tend to exhibit a better understanding of others' issues,
as well
. Although, the argument is partly true, I believe that kindness should
be taught
to kids, at home and at school.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
then, will they be a valuable asset to our society, in the future.

In conclusion
, though the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
about letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
decide on matters concerning them may
largely
vary, I believe that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
decisions, of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. In the future, that will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
our society
be governed
by self-assured individuals.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay should children be allowed to make their own decisions. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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