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Many elderly are no long looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages v.1

Many elderly are no long looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages v. 1
These days, some families now prefer the option of taking their aged-one such as grandfather and grandmother in the retirement home. Although this trend is beneficial because it gives adequate care to old ones, however, there is a drawback to be taken into account. On the one hand, several benefits can be derived taking the elderly to caregiver home. One such benefit is that it avails the aged one the adequate care they needed to live healthy since most homes have a plethora of specialist that caters for nutrition, heart disorder, to mention a few. This means that it will save them from being taken care of unprofessional domestic help when their children are not available because of their busy schedule. Also, staying in a nursing home will strengthen their social skills since there will be a privilege to network with older folks. In other word staying with like mind, people have been proven medically to increase life span. Hence, to stay healthy and live longer it advisable for the elderly to stay in a nursing home. On the other hand, one disadvantage of old ones to live in an old person's home is that it might lead to depression. Being isolated from the rest of the family members or an environment they are used to will make them feel lonely and rejected. This might result in psychological trauma if not properly look into. According to research carried out by The Dept. Of Environmental science in Nigeria, it was discovered 20% of ageing people that mentally derail is as a result of being apart from their family member. Therefore, taking care of the old at home is more effective rather than a nursing home. To conclude, While the elderly can benefit from the nursing home, it can also lead to depression of old folks if their children visit them in the retirement home. . . .
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
prefer the option of taking their aged-one such as grandfather and grandmother in the retirement home. Although this trend is beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
,
however
, there is a drawback to
be taken
into account.

On the one hand, several benefits can
be derived
taking the elderly to caregiver home. One such benefit is that it avails the aged one the adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
they needed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthy since most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
have a plethora of specialist that caters for nutrition, heart disorder, to mention a few. This means that it will save them from
being taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of unprofessional domestic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
when their children are not available
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their busy schedule.
Also
, staying in a nursing home will strengthen their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
since there will be a privilege to network with older folks. In other word staying with like mind,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
been proven
medically
to increase life span.
Hence
, to stay healthy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer
Did you mean "is" or "it is"?
it
advisable for the elderly to stay in a nursing home.

On the other hand
, one disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
person's home is that it might lead to depression.
Being isolated
from the rest of the family members or an environment they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel lonely and rejected. This might result in psychological trauma if not
properly
look into. According to research carried out by The Dept. Of Environmental science in Nigeria, it
was discovered
20% of
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that mentally derail is
as a result
of being apart from their family member.
Therefore
, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
at home is more effective
rather
than a nursing home.

To conclude
, While the elderly can benefit from the nursing home, it can
also
lead to depression of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
folks if their children visit them in the retirement home.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many elderly are no long looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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