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Nowadays a large amount of advertising aiming at children should be banned because of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Nowadays a large amount of advertising aiming at children should be banned because of the negative effects. v. 1
In recent times, it is true that there is a great deal of advertisements targeting children. While i accept that this marketing strategy causes the drawbacks and should be abandoned, but i think that it also has a lot of positive effects to children. On the one hand, childre-targeted advertisements offer many advantages that we should consider. Firstly, parents can take much notice of the products that are useful for their children thank to commercials. For instance, a variety of children’s brands like clothes, food or drink advertised on TV will help parents know what is best for their children to buy if available in the grocery stores and supermarkets. Secondly, children may be very excited and more creative if getting exposures of the commercials with extremely colorful images and interesting contents regularly. As a result, they will become innovative and energetic humans when they grow up. On the other hand, choosing children as the target of the advertising industry to promote their products will be harmful to these individuals and their parents. For example, young people who are inexperienced will completely trust the information of the advertisement is true. If they are attracted to the commercials that are too attractive and exaggerated, they will require their parents to buy the items advertised on TV which are unnecessary, and even unhealthy. Besides, advertisements will cause unessential fights because parents do not agree to buy the products they choose from advertising. Even young people will put great pressure on their parents to meet their extravagant needs. In conclusion, although it is said that advertising market aimed at children will have bad consequences, i believe that there are also some significant advantages for children and parents that we should also deliberate.
In recent times, it is true that there is a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
targeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. While
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
accept that this marketing strategy causes the drawbacks and should
be abandoned
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects to children.

On the one hand,
Possible spelling mistake found.
childre-targeted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages that we should consider.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can take much notice of the products that are useful for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
thank to commercials.
For instance
, a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
brands like clothes, food or drink advertised on TV will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
know what is best for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
if available in the grocery stores and supermarkets.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
excited and more creative if getting exposures of the commercials with
extremely
colorful images and interesting contents
regularly
.
As a result
, they will become innovative and energetic humans when they grow up.

On the other hand
, choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as the target of the advertising industry to promote their products will be harmful to these individuals and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For example
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
are inexperienced
will completely trust the information of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is true. If they
are attracted
to the commercials that are too attractive and exaggerated, they will require their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the items advertised on TV which are unnecessary, and even unhealthy.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
will cause unessential fights
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the products they choose from advertising. Even young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will put great pressure on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their extravagant needs.

In conclusion
, although it
is said
that advertising market aimed at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
consequences,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that we should
also
deliberate.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Nowadays a large amount of advertising aiming at children should be banned because of the negative effects. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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