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Some people think the best way to motivate and encourage people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. Do you agree or disagree? Include relevant examples from your own experience. v.2

Some people think the best way to motivate and encourage people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. Include relevant examples from your own experience. v. 2
It is being argued by some that paying employees based on productivity is the ultimate means of inspiring hard work. I disagree this is the best way, owing to the fact that it creates unethical behaviour amongst other things. Salary review, reward and recognition scheme as well as career development in my opinion are better ways of motivating employees to work hard. To start with, employees will put in effort to achieve great productivity when they are aware of a career development plan in place to ensure a long term sustainability rather than instant gratification such as sales bonus. This creates a win-win situation, they will work hard to ensure the business suceeds knowing their development is dependent on it. In addition, having a periodic salary review based on set performance index will encourage people to work hard in anticipation of salary increment. Furthermore, another way to drive productivity is having a scheme that takes into cognizance employees welfare such as healthcare, transportation, insurance plan, annual leave and so on; thus creating a sense of belonging and stimulating diligence. For example, I have a health insurance scheme and I am assured I can access healthcare services as and when due. Another point to note is that hard work can be triggered by having a reward and recognition program that acknowledges good performance. For example, a 'wall of fame' for outstanding employees will encourage people as everybody loves to be celebrated. In conclusion, admittedly, having payment equivalent to productivity is one way of  influencing hard work, however, I disagree it is the best way because it is short termed and results in sharp practises. Hence, long term incentive plan such as annual salary review, reward and recognition and career development are better means of motivating and encourage hard work in a workplace.
It is
being argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
is the ultimate means of inspiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. I disagree this is the best way, owing to the fact that it creates unethical
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
amongst other things.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Salary
review, reward and recognition scheme
as well
as career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
in my opinion are better ways of motivating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
will put in effort to achieve great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
when they are aware of a career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
plan in place to ensure a long term sustainability
rather
than instant gratification such as sales bonus. This creates a win-win situation, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to ensure the business
Possible spelling mistake found.
suceeds
knowing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
is dependent on it.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a periodic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
review based on set performance index will encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
in anticipation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
increment.

Furthermore
, another way to drive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a scheme that takes into cognizance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
welfare such as healthcare, transportation, insurance plan, annual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on;
thus
creating a sense of belonging and stimulating diligence.
For example
, I have a health insurance
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
scheme and
I
am assured
I can access healthcare services as and when due. Another point to note is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can
be triggered
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a reward and recognition program that acknowledges
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
performance.
For example
, a 'wall of fame' for outstanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
will encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as everybody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to
be celebrated
.

In conclusion
,
admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
payment equivalent to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productivity
is one way of
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
influencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
however
, I disagree it is the best way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is short termed and results in sharp
Possible spelling mistake. 'practises' is British English.
practises
.
Hence
, long term incentive plan such as annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
review, reward and recognition and career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
are better means of motivating and encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a workplace.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Some people think the best way to motivate and encourage people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. Include relevant examples from your own experience. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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