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Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not do enough physical exercise. what do you think are the causes of this? what solutions are there to this problem? v.7

Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not do enough physical exercise. what do you think are the causes of this? what solutions are there to this problem? v. 7
It is well known a fact that the task is a major part of the life of humans. It keeps to the people fit and fine. Due to many circumstances, individuals are not able to do problem a lot. However, almost all doctors say that enough physical workout is not done by the masses at present. There are many reasons and certain solutions behind this phenomenon, which I would like to explain in the below paragraphs. There are two major causes, which help to discuss in the following lines. Since the technology has made many features for the better life of humans, they do not like to take exercise. For example, technology is creating many advents. Such as television, computer, laptop, smartphones. People most of space spends on these features. They are addicting many diseases. Nonetheless, they do not love taking movement. Another reason is that, people have become very busy. They have no space to spend on their relaxing activities. Nowadays, they want to earn lots of money. Despite of the causes, there are some solutions behind this occur. Firstly, people know very well about their areas. Because, there are many places where people threw their trashes. These kinds of places, people never use to take the task. So the government should build the new park in every community for the growth of people. Last not but least, the companies must provide the lectures of physical activities to the individuals as well as reduce the work date. For example, if a person gets turned for spending on doing the exercises. He or she will do and able to focus on their work. To conclude, even though work and spending point with family is necessary, but taking action is very important. As without the fitness level, people cannot achieve goals in their life.
It is well known a fact that the task is a major part of the life of humans. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fit and fine. Due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
circumstances, individuals are not able to do problem a lot.
However
, almost all doctors say that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
physical workout is not done by the masses at present. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons and certain solutions behind this phenomenon, which I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in the below paragraphs.

There are two major causes, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to discuss in the following lines. Since the technology has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
features for the better life of humans, they do not like to take exercise.
For example
, technology is creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advents. Such as television, computer, laptop, smartphones.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
Consider using "most space" or "most of the space".
most of space
spends on these features. They are addicting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases. Nonetheless, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
taking movement. Another reason is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy. They have no space to spend on their relaxing activities. Nowadays, they want to earn lots of money.

Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
the causes, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions behind this occur.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well about their areas.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
threw their trashes. These kinds of places,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
never
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
take the task.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should build the new park in every community for the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Last not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
least, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide the lectures of physical activities to the individuals
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the work date.
For example
, if a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
turned for spending on doing the exercises. He or she will do and able to focus on their work.

To conclude
,
even though
work and spending point with family is necessary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
taking action is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. As without the fitness level,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot achieve goals in their life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not do enough physical exercise. what do you think are the causes of this? what solutions are there to this problem? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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